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Special Equestria Girls: Rollercoaster of Friendship
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[Singer]
Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh
You are my Equestria Girls
You turn the light switch on
It brightens up my day like the sun
When my friends come a-runnin'
You were right all along
That together we're always better
We could turn a sketch into a masterpiece
When you're here, I feel like I'm complete
You are my Equestria Girls!
Vignette Valencia: Experience the world like you've never seen it before, at the one, the only, Equestria Land! Stop! Cut! Cut! Why is everyone dressed like they're not dressed?!
Designer: [Russian accent] Because you keep changing your mind about the costumes, Vignette Valencia.
Vignette Valencia: Do you know what it means to be in charge of public relations for this park? It's my job to make sure the world knows how amazing Equestria Land is gonna be. And in two weeks, when there's fifty thousand people here for opening day, the last thing they'll see before they leave at night will be this light parade. And, by extension, your costumes, which apparently do not exist as of this moment! B.Y.B.B. Be yourself, but better. Do you even have a philosophy?
Designer: G.W.I.Q. Guess vhat. I qvit.
Vignette Valencia: [sighs, inhales] I need a stress salad! Where am I gonna find a new costume designer for the light parade with only two weeks left? [to performer] I'm not promoting you. [sighs] If only I could put a filter on real life to make everything the way I want it.
[magic swirl]
Vignette Valencia: Only way to feel better is getting ten thousand likes with the perfect salad pic.
[digital magic noises]
Vignette Valencia: Hey, did somebody install a new app on my phone?
[electronic buzzing]
Vignette Valencia: Oh. 'Cause I like it!
[patrons conversing]
Rarity: Anything?
Applejack: Nothin'. You?
Rarity: Nuh-uh.
Pinkie Pie: Somebody has unspilled beans at this table, and it's not me, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, or Sunset Shimmer!
Applejack: [deep breath] Rarity and I applied for summer jobs at the new theme park.
Pinkie Pie: Equestria Land? Wait... Will you get to go there for free?!
Applejack: Actually, they pay us to go there.
Pinkie Pie: [excited squealing]
Applejack: We applied to work side-by-side as caramel apple girls.
Rarity: Yes. It's not that I'm nervous, but... Applejack, you're perfect for the job. And, well, my résumé is less apple-centric.
Applejack: [chuckles] We'll be together. I got a good feelin'.
Rarity: [huffs] No missed calls while we were talking about caramel apples. Shall we practice answering our phones and sounding calm?
[phone vibrates and alerts]
Rarity and Applejack: [scream]
Sunset Shimmer: That was about as calm as Pinkie Pie on Cake Day.
Pinkie Pie: Was it today? Did I miss it?! [sips]
Rarity: One new e-mail!
Applejack: It's from the park!
Rarity and Applejack: You open yours first! No, you open yours first! [laugh]
Applejack: Okay, okay. Same time. One, two...
Rarity: Too late! I opened mine! [screams] Oh. They said I'm overqualified for caramel apple girl. [gasps] They want me to be lead parade costume designer!
Equestria Girls: [excited chatter]
Twilight Sparkle: You haven't even started, and you already got promoted!
Rainbow Dash: That's gotta be a record.
Applejack: I didn't get the job. But I'm really happy for you, Rarity.
Rarity: Oh, pffft. There must be a mix-up, darling.
Pinkie Pie: Obviously, the internet mailman gave you the wrong letter. I know that's not how the internet works, but I'm trying to cheer you up.
Twilight Sparkle: Technically, Rarity didn't get the job, either, since she got a different job. So they're probably about to send another e-mail with your promotion.
[phone vibrates and alerts]
Applejack: [gasps, groans] Just a sale at Stinky Bottom's Discount Hat Emporium.
Rainbow Dash: Forty percent off! Oh, sorry. Not helping.
Rarity: Well, I'm not going to accept it without you, obviously. Pfft.
Applejack: What?! You cannot let this opportunity pass you by, Rarity. Think of all those vision boards, the late-night sewin'. This has been your dream since... since kindy-garten.
Rarity: Mmm... Preschool, actually. But that's not the point. My mind is made up. We planned to spend the summer together, and... that's what we're going to do. Riiiiiiiight? [blink, blink]
Applejack: You're takin' the job, and that's final.
Rarity: Okay, if you insist! [squeals] I'm gonna be a costume designer!
Equestria Girls: [excited chatter]
Applejack: Heh-heh. All right. I probably shouldn'ta quit my old job this mornin', huh?
Sunset Shimmer: I'm sure they haven't replaced you already.
[splat!]
Sunset Shimmer: Eh.
Vignette Valencia: My name is Vignette Valencia, and to answer your first question, yes, I'm that "Vignette", but no, I do not think I'm better than you just because I have three million followers on SnapGab.
Rarity: [huffs] You're up to three million now? I mean, yes, uh, yes, I-I am familiar with your online repertoire.
Vignette Valencia: I have a good feeling about you, Rare. Oh, you have to let me call you "Rare". It's the perfect name for lead parade costume designer. Not a... um, caramel apple girl. I don't even know why you applied for a job like that. Not with a SnapGab feed like yours.
Rarity: Oh.
Vignette Valencia: Obviously, I looked you up. Great pictures, by the way. That gingham and linen sundress caught my eye, and your follower count is [faux French pronunciation] im-press-ive. For someone just starting out, of course. But I can already tell you've got magique inside.
Rarity: Oof. Magi— You can?
Vignette Valencia: The light parade is the most important event in the park. Over a hundred cast members, and you are gonna make them look perfect.
Rarity: [sighs]
Vignette Valencia: Oh. And before I forget, don't put anything on that table. Especially your phone. No reason. Just a super-important rule I made up, 'kay?
[squishing]
Applejack: [grunting]
[phone rings]
Applejack: Rarity!
Rarity: Applejack! Darling! How's work on the farm?
Applejack: [insincere] Fantastic! [grunting] I could not be happier... makin' foot-stompin' applesauce the old-fashioned way with my family.
Granny Smith: Less chatter, more splatter!
Rarity: Oh, good. I'm so happy for you.
Applejack: And I'm happy for you and your new job, too.
Rarity: Oh, yes, well... [nervous laughter] It's certainly a big job.
Applejack: I'm sure you won't slip up. Whoa!
Rarity: Well, I-I was calling, because, you see, well, it's not that I'm... [nervous sounds] nervous or anything silly like that, but I-I-I was wondering if... if you and the girls wanted to come on opening night to see the parade. V.I.P. passes! You can cut the lines!
Applejack: You bet your britches, missy! I wouldn't miss your big night for the world! Whoa!
[splash!]
Applejack: Ugh...
Rarity: Applejack? Darling? Hello?
[patrons yelling and conversing]
[thunder crashes]
[deep evil laughter]
Trixie Lulamoon, Sweetie Drops, and Lyra Heartstrings: [scream]
Pinkie Pie: Equestria Land opening day! What should we do first? Appleloosa Wild West Stunt Show? Nightmare Moon's Haunted Castle? Sugarcube Everything?!
Applejack: Now, hang on. I got the sense Rarity's overwhelmed, which is understandable. I mean, she's all alone here without any of her friends. Which is why I wouldn'ta taken the job, but that's just me. Uh, point is, we're here to support Rarity.
[girls yelling gleefully]
Applejack: What? Uh, which character is that?
Pinkie Pie: Ah, it's not a character, silly! That's Vignette Valencia! She's famous on SnapGab, which you'd know if you actually logged in once in a while. You're missing my "One Cupcake Every Day" series.
Fluttershy: She posts a lot of pictures of her Welsh corgi named Yas Queen.
Rainbow Dash: And she's friends with, like, every awesome athlete in the world!
[beat]
Twilight Sparkle: Don't look at me. I only follow bots that post interesting science facts.
Applejack: These are her pictures? "Chillin sandy style"? "U no how I do"? "I came I saw I vintaged"? Okay, somebody tell me why this picture has twenty thousand likes.
Vignette Valencia: [on phone] #Bangs.
Applejack: Uh, I don't know. Spendin' all that time just to look good in a picture ain't my idea of fun.
Rarity: There you are!
Applejack: Here comes the lead parade costume designer!
Rarity: Guilty as charged! [giggles]
Applejack: So? You've been here solo without your best friends all this time. How can we help?
Rarity: Hold that thought. Vignette! Over here!
Applejack: You know Vignette Valencia?
Rarity: Pfft. Do I know her?
Rarity and Vignette Valencia: Mwah! Mwah!
Rarity: Why, she's my best friend at the park!
Applejack: [gasps]
Vignette Valencia: Selfie! Oh, but can we use your phone? Mine's been acting super-weird lately. Thanks. You're the best!
[phone camera snaps]
Applejack: [growls]
Rarity: Everyone, this is Vignette Valencia. She runs P.R. for the park, and she's my boss.
Vignette Valencia: I told you not to use the "B" word. I'm your... "friend"... who gets to boss you around!
Rarity: [nervous laugh]
All except Applejack: [nervous laughter]
Pinkie Pie: I don't get it.
Rarity: Heh. So this is Sunset Shimmer, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, and Fluttershy.
Applejack: [clears throat irritably]
Rarity: Oh! Ha. And Applejack. Sorry, you were standing a— I-I didn't see you.
Vignette Valencia: Hmmm.
Rarity: They're my best friends. So... I thought you'd like to meet them.
Vignette Valencia: [uninterested] Mm-hmm.
Rarity: Uhhhh, fun fact – uh, we perform together in a band called the Rainbooms.
Vignette Valencia: Rainbooms? Why is that familiar? A hundred thousand followers? Focused consumer-centric demographic, too? Does your curated content consistently aggregate across multiple platforms?
[beat]
Pinkie Pie: We sing songs together!
Vignette Valencia: [gasps] I am going to turn you into the centerpiece of tonight's light parade!
Rainbow Dash: Uh, the Rainbooms?
Vignette Valencia: Shhh... Are you ready? B.Y.B.B. Be yourself, but better! That's been my power phrase since I started my first company. A middle school girl selling artisanal handmade mascara. "But isn't that just melted crayons?" Hey, neighsayers gonna neigh. But I say B.Y.B.B.
Fluttershy: Um, how many people will be watching us?
Vignette Valencia: All of them! What do you say?
Sunset Shimmer: Well, if it's gonna help out Rarity...
Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, and Fluttershy: [agree]
Applejack: Hmph.
Vignette Valencia: Like, like, like, like, like, like. Upload and post it, ladies. This'll trend fer sure! I'll @ you later with the exact deets. B.Y.B.B, Rare. V, out.
Rarity: I know. She's amazing, right?
Applejack: She sure is... somethin'.
Twilight Sparkle: Logistical question: How're we supposed to get our instruments?
Rarity: Pfft, kuh! Vignette will handle everything.
Applejack: I got a question, too. When you said she's your "best friend at the park", did you mean "best friend, comma, at the park"?
Rarity: Did I say that? [gasps] Listen, tonight's a huge opportunity. And not just for me now, but for all of us!
Rainbow Dash: Let's go see the park!
[zoom!]
Rarity: [to Applejack] Honestly, I don't know why you're giving me your frowny eyebrows.
Applejack: [sighs] It's nothin'.
Rarity: Uhhh, well, uh... enjoy the park. I'm gonna be super-busy preparing for tonight. So let's meet in the staging area for sound check and run-throughs. I have three minutes' break at four o'clock, and I can give you two of them. B.Y.B.B.! [laughs] Rare, out!
Applejack: [sighs]
Rainbow Dash: Well, looks like Rarity doesn't need us as much as you thought. So...
Fluttershy: Should we practice for the parade? It's a little... [gasps] ...daunting, isn't it?
Rainbow Dash: We know every song by heart. Wouldn't you rather go have some fun?
Equestria Girls except Applejack: [cheer]
Twilight Sparkle: Great idea!
[patrons screaming]
Fluttershy: [shudders]
Rainbow Dash: [yelling] Pretty great, right?!
Fluttershy: [shudders, yelling] What?!
Rainbow Dash: [yelling] Can you hear me over all the screaming?!
Fluttershy: [yelling] I can't hear you over all the screaming! [normally] Oh. I wish I'd gone with Sunset and Twilight. Or Pinkie Pie. Or anyone else in the entire park.
Rainbow Dash: Look at it this way. It's the perfect opportunity to conquer your fear.
Fluttershy: Can't I conquer something a little smaller first?
Rainbow Dash: Hey, good idea! A warm-up before the big game! Ooh! What did you have in mind? Dragon Lands Drag Racing? Ooh, the Appleloosa Runaway Train! Ooh, Neighagara Falls Barrel Flume?!
Fluttershy: Mm-mm.
Fluttershy: [screaming, hyperventilating] Oh, these kids are so brave.
Rainbow Dash: Ugh.
Rarity: Applejack, this parade is a living, breathing dance of light and sound! [to assistants] Love it, lock it, stitch it. Beautiful, perfect, I just threw up, love it. Now hurry up! I need these done yesterday!
Applejack: You were born for this, Rarity. Anythin' I can do to help?
Rarity: Play a great show tonight? [to mascot] Excuse me! I know I am not seeing a lapped zipper on that faux fur! A lapped zipper is simply a stuck zipper waiting to happen! Ugh! [to Applejack] This is what I'm up against.
Applejack: So, uh... wanna take a break and go get a caramel apple?
Rarity: I'd love to, darling, but I am a tad super-insanely busy. Heh.
Applejack: Of course. I-I just thought... Uh, never mind. You're right. I wouldn't wanna rain on your parade.
Rarity: Rain?! I didn't plan for rain! [to assistant] Get me one hundred ponchos, stat!
[rollercoaster chugging]
Rainbow Dash: I'm proud of you. You know that? You're facing your fears head-on. Just like I always did as a kid. I mean, look, a four-hundred-foot vertical drop right into these loop-de-loops and a corkscrew? You're probably super-nervous about that, I bet. Heh. And that next part where it goes backwards? Uh, how are you feeling, Fluttershy?
[seagull squawking]
Rainbow Dash: Is it even safe to be this high up? You're probably thinking, "Stop the ride! I want to get off!" That's what you want, right? Right now? You're about to yell it? Stop the ride! Seriously! Please, somebody stop the ride! STOP THE RIIIIIIIDE!
[rollercoaster stops]
Rainbow Dash: [sighs]
[wobbling sounds]
Fluttershy: That was actually kind of... fun. [giggles]
Rainbow Dash: Totally! That's why I didn't want to get off! I was just saying what you would've said. [nervous laugh] That's all.
Fluttershy: You were very brave.
Rainbow Dash: Heh. You, too... by the way.
[thud!]
Fluttershy: [giggles]
[phone rings and buzzes]
Fluttershy: Hmmm...
Applejack: Uh... Hmmm...
[map crumples]
Micro Chips: Apples! Caramel apples over here! We've got red and green and everything in between!
Applejack: Micro Chips?
Micro Chips: Caramel apple?
Applejack: Uh, Applejack. You're who they hired to be the caramel apple... girl?
Micro Chips: Vignette said she wanted cool nerd chic. I'd say she found it. Wouldn't you?
[squish]
Micro Chips: [grunting]
[clattering and splatting]
Micro Chips: [clears throat] Do you by any chance have a knife or samurai sword or several tiny but very sharp nail clippers?
Vignette Valencia: [talking indistinctly]
Vignette Valencia: I know what you're thinking. "But, Vignette, how can I ever thank you for coming up with such a brilliant idea for the parade?"
Fluttershy: I don't understand. You want me to pretend I'm someone else tonight?
Vignette Valencia: Everyone in the band has a new role. It's part of my BOLD, NEW VISION! All caps, Helvetica, sixty-five. "Fluttershy: Bad Girl". Spiked hair, ripped tights. I've already commissioned an A-list graffiti/sneaker artist to tag up a custom guitar. How do you feel about skulls? B.Y.B.B.
Fluttershy: Uh, maybe I, um... shouldn't do it. At all.
[beat]
Vignette Valencia: You're right. If collab-ing isn't your thing, that's your life decision to make. But I just thought of a way for us both to get exactly what we want.
Fluttershy: You did?
Vignette Valencia: Of course! Getting what I want is what I do best, sweetie. Now say "cheese!"
[electronic zapping]
Vignette Valencia: Sorry, Fluttershy. You'll thank me later.
Fluttershy: [echoing] Um, excuse me? Vignette? Where am I?
[bowl clattering]
Fluttershy: Ooh! And do you mind if I eat this salad? I'm feeling stressed.
Flim: Step right up! Don't be shy!
Flam: You like prizes? We got prizes!
Flim: Toss this ring onto any one of these bottles! Easiest game in the park!
Twilight Sparkle: Wow! This game does look easy!
Flim: Would ya lookee here? Somebody who knows a thing or two about a thing or two!
Sunset Shimmer: [sighs] Twilight, they're just giving ya the old bump-and-tingle to lure you in. These games are rigged.
Flim: Slanderous!
Flam: Libelous!
Twilight Sparkle: Do you know what's not rigged? The laws of physics. Assuming no air resistance and a vertical displacement of zero, horizontal displacement equals initial projectile velocity squared times the sine of twice the launch angle divided by the acceleration due to gravity.
[music]
[fwip!]
Flim: Oh, the suspense!
Flam: The drama!
Flim: I can't watch!
Flam: Hold me!
Flim and Flam: [fake shudder]
[boing!]
Twilight Sparkle: Errgh!
Sunset Shimmer: You were pretty close, though. Maybe we should try one more time?
[assistants chattering, handiwork noises]
Rarity: Finished! [sighs] Let there be light!
[buzzing]
Rarity: [sighs] Maybe tonight won't be a disaster after all.
[crackling, short circuits]
Rarity: [eye twitches] Will you, uh, excuse me for a moment? [muffled] Of all the outlandish circumstances in the universe, why are all the wretched things happening to me?!
Applejack: Huh? Hey, Rarity. How's—?
Rarity: I wasn't having a meltdown! Who said I was having a meltdown?! I am not having a meltdown!
Applejack: Whoa. Uh, have you seen Fluttershy? See, she went wanderin' off with Vignette and then just disappeared.
Rarity: Are you honestly asking me this right now?
Applejack: Oh, it's not that I don't trust Vignette, if that's what you're thinkin'.
Rarity: We're in a giant fun park with fifty thousand people. 'Course you can't find her. [gasps] Fifty thousand people! [gasps] All looking at my costumes!
Applejack: Are you seriously not concerned about Fluttershy?
Rarity: That's a hundred thousand individual eyeballs, Applejack.
Applejack: Well, if you ain't gonna worry about her, I will!
[beat]
Rarity: Somebody get me a bigger pile of clothes to scream into!
[boing]
Sunset Shimmer: Come on!
Twilight Sparkle: [groans]
Flim and Flam: [idle noises]
Sunset Shimmer: All right! What's next? What are we doing? How are we going to win this?!
Twilight Sparkle: Guess who just mapped out a perfect projectile trajectory taking into account propulsion, gravity, and aerodynamic drag! This gal! Betcha thought I forgot about friction, air drag, and veering initial velocities. Well, guess what. I didn't!
Sunset Shimmer: What she said!
Flim: You know what they say...
Flam: Hundredth time's the charm.
[tense music]
Applejack: Howdy, y'all!
[ding!]
[squeak!]
[splat!]
Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer: Applejack!
Applejack: Oh. Sorry. Have you seen Fluttershy? Nobody's seen her all afternoon. Her phone's goin' straight to voicemail. I keep thinkin' somethin' real bad mighta happened.
Sunset Shimmer: Lighten up, Applejack. There's not always a villain with Equestrian magic out to get us.
Twilight Sparkle: On a side note, do you have tickets we could borrow? Kinda used 'em all.
Flim and Flam: [innocent whistling]
Sunset Shimmer: I don't like to lose.
[dramatic music]
Rainbow Dash: Applejack! Hey! I was just about to ride this thing for, like, the tenth time already!
Little Girl: [coughs]
Rainbow Dash: Shhh! Nothin' outta you!
Applejack: Uh, have you seen Fluttershy anywhere?
Rainbow Dash: Oh, she was with me, super scared of this ride, but I think she went off with Vignette.
Applejack: Okay. Thanks.
Rainbow Dash: If you see her, tell her she still owes me a rollercoaster ride! [nervous whimper]
Pinkie Pie: [whistles] No frowning allowed! Hmmm... As "Fun Inspector", I'm a little concerned about what I'm seeing here.
Applejack: Pinkie Pie? Don't tell me you're workin' for the park now, too.
Pinkie Pie: [laughing] No, silly! Fun Inspectors are freelance! And don't get paid! And totally made up by me earlier today when I saw a little girl crying because she dropped her ice cream, and I said to myself, "Pinkie Pie, this place isn't as fun as it could be!" Do you like the uniform? I made it out of things I found in the trash, but you can't even tell!
Applejack: Geh, uhhh... so, have you seen Fluttershy anywhere?
Pinkie Pie: Nope. But I have seen my Deputy Fun Inspector! Ta-da! Now you have all access to the entire park, Deputy Fun Inspector! [slurps]
[rings tossing]
Flim: [unenthusiastically] Ugh. Wow.
Flam: [unenthusiastically] So close.
Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle: [groan]
Sunset Shimmer: I can't feel my fingers anymore.
[pages flipping]
Twilight Sparkle: It all looks the same! Is this real life? How long have we been here?
Flim: Um, hey, listen, lady.
Flam: Uh, how about you just take a parakeet and go home?
Sunset Shimmer: It's not about the parakeet!
Little Boy: Awwww.
Twilight Sparkle: You said it yourself. It's rigged. How about we get some ice cream?
Sunset Shimmer: [sighs] You're right. Why didn't I listen to myself? We never even had a chance.
[slow motion sounds]
Flim: [surprised sound] Well, would ya look at that?!
Flam: A winner every time!
Applejack: ...Or maybe I want her to be my prime suspect because she's Rarity's new best friend at the park. Am I goin' crazy over a whole lot o' nothin'?
Security Guard: What's that badge ya got there?!
Applejack: I, uh... [stammers] Y-Y-You see, it-it's just—
Security Guard: It's a crime to fake security badges, you know. I'm a fake cop, but I can send ya to real jail!
Applejack: Uh, if you'll just let me explain. I'm lookin' for my friend, and—
Security Guard: Shhh! Hands on your head! No sudden moves! Got that? Huh! Why didn't ya tell me you were a Deputy Fun Inspector?!
[door opens]
Security Guard: I am so sorry about that, ma'am. Uh, here's my workstation. It hasn't been fun-inspected in years.
Applejack: I'm tryin' to tell you my friend made this badge. It ain't real.
Security Guard: Oh. An undercover Fun Inspector. I get it. Anyway, have fun "not inspecting" my workstation. Wink, wink.
Applejack: How many times do I have to say it?
[door closes]
[walkie-talkie chatter]
Vignette Valencia: Rarity told me you're the coolest, smartest friend who knows what's the opposite of down. What's up!
Rainbow Dash: Heh. True.
Vignette Valencia: I have a bold new vision for the Rainbooms that you are going to love! The Throwbacks! Capital T, #TBT, Throwback Today. Or for short, T.C.T.H.T.B.T.[T.B.T.], pronounced "ta-ca-ta-ca-ba-ta"! You are going to represent the touchstones of cool throughout the ages!
Rainbow Dash: I like it so far, and I assume I'll like what you say next.
Vignette Valencia: "Rainbow Dash: '50s Sockhop Sweetheart"! Poodle skirt, adorable blonde hair. How do you feel about shaving your head? I only ask 'cause you'll definitely have to do it for the wig.
Rainbow Dash: Uhhh... there is no way anyone is shaving my head.
Vignette Valencia: B.Y.B.B.?
Rainbow Dash: B.I.A.A.T.B. But I already am the best?
Vignette Valencia: Well, if you insist on just, ugh, being yourself or whatever, then at least let me take a picture of the real you.
[electronic zapping]
Applejack: [gasps] Is Vignette zappin' my friends with a magical phone?! I knew she was up to somethin'! Just wasn't expectin' somethin' so magic and evil. She makes 'em disappear, but where do they go?
[zap]
Rainbow Dash: [echoing, to Fluttershy] Aw, man! Are we trapped in a magical phone? Typical. You gonna eat that stress salad?
[assistants chattering]
Rarity: One hour until wheels up, everyone! The light parade waits for no one! Tick-tock! Tick-tock!
Vignette Valencia: Big night tonight, Rare. Perhaps the biggest of all time. Definitely the biggest of your life. I'm excited for you.
Rarity: You're not worried? Not that I'm worried. Unless you're worried, in which case, I'm very, very worried!
Vignette Valencia: There's no room for self-doubt. You've gotta get rid of it faster than a pleated cargo skort.
Vignette Valencia and Rarity: [shudder]
Vignette Valencia: So I love everything you've done here. One thought – do we want the costumes to have lights on them? You've got time. I think we should start from scratch.
Rarity: Huh?
Vignette Valencia: B-T-Dubs, every amazing fashion vlogger and SnapGab celeb's gonna be here tonight! No presh.
Rarity: Really? 'Cause I'm feeling presh. Why am I seeing neon pink and yellow on that dragon's tail?! Is this a beast of legend or a safety vest?!
Pinkie Pie: [giggling]
Rarity: [sighs] I suppose Applejack has better things to do than final fittings and sound check!
Sunset Shimmer: Don't be mad at her. She's still out trying to find Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy, who aren't here either, by the way.
Rarity: Do not tell me who to be annoyed with!
Pinkie Pie: I know you're stressed, Rarity, but I'm sure you've got something totally amazing up your sleeve! You did remember to wear sleeves with amazing things up them, right?
Applejack: Stop!
[assistants gasping]
Applejack: Oh! Uh, not everybody stop. I just meant my friends. Y'all keep doin' what you're doin'. Sewin' up them, uh, clothes.
Rarity: Where have you been?!
Applejack: Nobody go anywhere with Vignette, understand?
Twilight Sparkle:
Nope.
Sunset Shimmer:
Not really.
Pinkie Pie: Nuh-uh.
[music]
Rarity: You can explain yourself after the parade. I'm sure—
Applejack: No, Rarity. Vignette is evil!
[door closes]
Pinkie Pie: [whispering loudly] Applejack, she can hear you!
Applejack: She's done somethin' to Fluttershy. And I saw her from the security office when she made Rainbow Dash disappear with her phone! Ten eggs in a chicken coop says it's Equestrian magic.
Vignette Valencia: Oh, honey, delusional isn't your color. You're an autumn.
Applejack: If you're so innocent, then how do you explain this?! Say goodbye to your mannequin thingy!
[camera phone snapping]
Applejack: Uh, hang on. Watch it... disappear!
[beat]
Applejack: Uh, I think I hashgabbed my SnapTag or all in the— Ugh. I can't figure out these new, fandangled apps. Ugh. I sound just like Granny Smith!
Vignette Valencia: I just saw your friends. They're in wardrobe, and they're fine.
[camera phone snaps]
Rarity: Are you sure?
Vignette Valencia: And looking good in your costumes, by the way.
Rarity: Applejack, the parade is less than an hour away, and—
Applejack: This is bigger than the parade, Rarity!
Rarity: Nothing's bigger than the parade, Applejack!
Applejack: I know you didn't just say that about your missing friends!
Vignette Valencia: I'm gonna let you two sort this out amongst yourselves. [snaps fingers, waves hand]
[zip!]
Rarity: Applejack, admit it! You don't care about my parade!
Applejack: "My parade?!" This isn't about you! She's done somethin' to our friends!
Rarity: Is this about our friends or about you and Vignette? Ever since she gave me this opportunity, you've been jealous because she sees my potential but she didn't hire you!
Twilight Sparkle: You guys, stop!
Sunset Shimmer: This isn't like you!
Applejack: You're so blind, you can't even see she's usin' you! You only like her because she's always blowin' smoke up your chimney! But that's what she does to everyone! YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL!
[dramatic sting]
Applejack: Maybe I should just... go.
Rarity: Maybe you should.
Sunset Shimmer: Applejack, wait!
Rarity: [sobbing]
Pinkie Pie: Rarity!
Vignette Valencia: Waiting is for waiters, ladies. We're better off without her.
Twilight Sparkle: "We"?
Vignette Valencia: The Throwbacks, formerly known as the Rainbooms.
Sunset Shimmer: Hang on. Why does "we" include you?
Vignette Valencia: Obviously, somebody needs to fill Applejuice's spot. And since it's so last-minute, we are lucky to have someone with as much vision and talent as moi.
Pinkie Pie: Uh... you?
Vignette Valencia: And not just that! We'll be playing a song I wrote!
Sunset Shimmer: Okay. One – you are not in the band! And two – we are not performing without Applejack.
Pinkie Pie: Which is her name, by the way. Not "Applejuice".
Twilight Sparkle: And you know what? She's not usually one to make things up, like, ever.
Sunset Shimmer: So all that stuff she said about you...
Vignette Valencia: Eh. Is true.
[electronic zapping]
Vignette Valencia: Now let's see if this Equestrian magique is all it's cracked up to be.
[beeping]
Vignette Valencia: Now then... That's better.
[beeping]
Vignette Valencia: I wish I'd had this thing years ago! Think how perfect my life could've looked!
[door opens, door closes]
Vignette Valencia: [squeals] Rare, you're not gonna believe this!
Rarity: What? What is this? What am I looking at?
Vignette Valencia: Your friends, but better! Now we can make the parade exactly how I want it!
Rarity: How you want it? You said you hired me for my vision!
Vignette Valencia: Well, I needed your vision to bring out my vision. But now there's an app for that.
[hologram fizzling]
Rarity: Vignette, wh-what is going on here? Where are my friends?!
Vignette Valencia: Like, trapped in the internet as zeroes and ones or erased from existence or something? [intonation of "I dunno"] Mmmm.
Rarity: What?!
Vignette Valencia: See, like, my phone became magique or something, and now it has this power where whenever I take a picture of something and it disappears. And then I can customize them with a swipe of my finger and make them real again, or... real enough, but hey, blah-blah-blah, O.M.G., I'm boring myself to death just talking about this stuff.
Rarity: Bring back my friends this instant!
Vignette Valencia: Fine. If you wanna be with them so bad, I'll do you one last favor. You're welcome.
Rarity: [gasps]
[snap!]
Twilight Sparkle: [groans] I can't believe we're trapped in Vignette's phone.
Rainbow Dash: We're no strangers to getting stuck in magical objects.
Sunset Shimmer: At least Rarity and Applejack are still free. Maybe they can get us out of here.
Fluttershy: They have to stop fighting first.
Twilight Sparkle: We can't just sit around hoping to get rescued. If we're in the internet, we can hack our way out! Well, I can. Maybe.
Fluttershy: Oh, I hope Rarity and Applejack are okay. I wish we knew what's going on out there.
[snap!]
Vignette Valencia: Sorry, Rare, guess you're not so "rare" after all. Okay, that was your cue to disappear!
[electronic zapping]
Rarity: Hmmm. Never underestimate a good accessory!
[electronic zapping]
Vignette Valencia: Stop un-magique-ing my magique thingy!
Rarity: [grunts] I can't believe I listened to you over Applejack!
[magic sounds]
Rarity: [pants]
Vignette Valencia: Hey! U-G-H! Whatevs! I don't need you anyway. Attention, people who work for me! I am now the lead costume designer because our former lead costume designer is being H.B.W. Herself, but worse! Now pretend I just gave you an inspiring speech and get back to work!
[vibraphone chiming]
[patrons chattering]
Applejack: The parade's about to start! Ugh! If only I had done somethin' or said somethin' different! Maybe none of this woulda happened. [sighs] I really screwed things up with Rarity.
Rarity: Applejack!
Applejack: [gasps] Rarity!
Rarity: [panting] Don't go!
Applejack: Uh...
Rarity: You were right. I got carried away and let this stupid parade become the only thing that mattered to me! And I let Vignette manipulate me with false flattery into forgetting what really matters – my friends.
Applejack: Come on, now. Your talent puts you so far beyond the need for flattery.
Rarity: Stop flattering me! I've not finished apologizing! [breathes] I'm sorry I lost sight of why we applied for jobs here in the first place.
Applejack: And I'm sorry I got jealous. All this time I thought I was bein' honest with you about not likin' Vignette. I wasn't bein' honest with myself. I felt like I was losin' my best friend.
Rarity: You didn't. Caramel apple girls to the end?
[music]
Rarity: [gasps] Our friends! Vignette has them all trapped in the internet! She confessed! We have to get them out! We have to save them!
Applejack: What?! We've been wastin' all this time chin-waggin' about feelin's?! We need to get crackin' on a rescue plan!
[phone rings]
Applejack: Twilight?
Twilight Sparkle: It worked! Applejack, we're stuck in Vignette's phone! I found a way to hack her apple popper app to route a VoIP connection to your IP address!
Applejack: Uh... Magic. Got it.
Twilight Sparkle: Listen. We've come up with a plan to set all this right. You'll need to remotely install a virus that creates a backdoor admin account, which you can use to reset all the permissions on her phone and make a proxy backup. That should get us out of here! How much coding do you know?
Applejack: Uh, none. Uh, I can rub two sticks together.
Twilight Sparkle: [voice both on phone and nearby] Oh, boy. Okay. Get a pencil.
Applejack: Uh, hang on. I think I can hear you talkin'.
Twilight Sparkle: What?
Applejack: S-Somewhere close.
[door opens]
Applejack: Really, y'all?
Twilight Sparkle: Ohhhhhh. The phone just teleported us into some random white room in the park.
Sunset Shimmer: We were just sitting in a white room the whole time?!
Pinkie Pie: Wait, you guys didn't know that?
Sunset Shimmer: [steaming]
[zap!]
Twilight Sparkle: Micro Chips?! [gasps] Did Vignette take your picture just now?
Micro Chips: I was just minding my own business making perfect caramel apples, when suddenly, Vignette saw me and said I wasn't as cool a nerd as she thought. Then she took my picture, and I ended up here, violating all known laws of space and time.
Sunset Shimmer: Guys, this is bad! It means Vignette is on the parade route, and she's using her phone to change whatever she doesn't like!
Fluttershy: What happens if she decides she doesn't like the crowd?
Twilight Sparkle: Everyone in the park is watching that parade! If her phone teleports that many people into this tiny room at the same time...!
Pinkie Pie: [gasps] Squish city!
Rarity: Our friends are in that crowd! Sweetie Belle is in that crowd! We've got to stop her!
Applejack: You do realize if we stop the parade, no one will see all your hard work.
Rarity: Someone reminded me that none of that matters without my friends.
Sunset Shimmer: We'd better hurry! I'm sure Vignette's getting more corrupted by Equestrian magic every minute!
[crowd cheering]
[Vignette Valencia]:
[off-key]
Be yourself, but better
Or don't be yourself at all
Follow Vignette on SnapGab
That's V-I-G-N-E-T-T-EEEEEEE!
[feedback]
[crowd jeering]
[dissonant music playing]
Vignette Valencia: This crowd isn't cheering enough for my taste. Luckily, that can be tweaked with the flick of a finger. Say "cheese", everyone!
[float creaking]
Rarity: Sorry to rain on your parade!
[thud]
Applejack: Nice one!
Rarity: But I'm afraid this evening is cancelled. Now turn off your phone and hand it over!
[confused murmuring]
Vignette Valencia: Are you honestly asking a social media star to hand over her phone?
[crowd gasping]
Applejack: Yeah. She is.
Vignette Valencia: Rarity, this is the version of your friends that will be popular. I have the metrics to back that up.
[beat]
Vignette Valencia: Doesn't matter if they're real. It's what you show people online. This is your chance to be everything you've always wanted!
Rarity: No! It's a chance to look like everything I've always wanted! What I really want has been right in front of me the whole time! My friends!
[pony-up theme]
Vignette Valencia: [gasps]
Rarity: No amount of online success is worth it without my real life friends to share in it!
[magic sounds]
Vignette Valencia: [gasps]
[zap!]
[holograms crackling]
Vignette Valencia: What have you done?! Now how can things ever be perfect?!
Rarity: I love nothing more than someone telling me I made a perfect outfit, but I'd say you got a bit carried away.
Vignette Valencia: I-I... guess so.
Applejack: You guess so?! You created virtual holograms of our friends and almost sent an entire crowd of people to squish city!
[crowd disapproves]
Vignette Valencia: But, B.Y.B.B...
Rarity: It's not a bad thing to want to be better, but not at the expense of other people. And especially not your friends.
Vignette Valencia: Friends? [sighs] I have three million followers, but no real friends. How pathetic is that?
Rarity: Hmmm. You've got one. If you want.
Applejack: Make that two.
[crowd cheers and applauds]
Pinkie Pie: Why are they clapping? Do they even know what's going on?
Fluttershy: Eh.
Rainbow Dash: Whoa! The Rainbooms are trending on SnapGab!
Pinkie Pie: People are saying that rainbow laser thing was the coolest light parade show they've ever seen!
[cameras snapping]
Applejack: Hey, maybe the parade ain't ruined after all!
Sunset Shimmer: We do still have our real instruments up there.
Rainbow Dash: [to Fluttershy] You're not too nervous?
Fluttershy: I should ask you the same thing.
Rarity: [to Applejack] If you're up for it.
[crowd cheering]
[Rarity]
A blemish on the surface
Of a perfect happy pic
Just add a fancy filter
And that's an easy fix
But behind that perfect snapshot
Are the people who you love
Don't forget those happy moments
Are because of
[Applejack]
Our memories together
[Rarity]
They can last forever
[Applejack]
We won't let this break us
[The Rainbooms]
We'll get through whatever
Side by side on this adventure
Our friendship will never, ever end
Side by side, besties forever
We know that it's more than just a trend
[Applejack]
'Cause it's you
[Rarity]
And me
[The Rainbooms]
This is how it should be
[Applejack]
The whole world stands before you
Full of things to see
Pay attention or you'll miss it
Life's best is always free
Don't lose sight of what's important
Give more than you can take
There's so much to strive for
So many friendships you can make
[Rarity]
All those likes can't measure
[Applejack]
The fun we have together
[Rarity and Applejack]
When we're in the moment
[The Rainbooms]
Everything is better
Side by side on this adventure
Our friendship will never, ever end
Side by side, besties forever
We know that it's more than just a trend
[Rarity and Applejack]
This is how it should be
[credits]