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Transcripts/The Gift of the Maud Pie

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Episode The Gift of the Maud Pie
Previous The Crystalling - Part 2
Next On Your Marks
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[train chuffing]
Pinkie Pie: [singsong] We're going to Manehattan, we're going to Manehattan, we're going to Manehattan...!
Rarity: [nonplussed] Yes, yes, Manehattan, the height of sophistication, elegance, culture... Since my boutique in Canterlot has been doing so nicely, it only makes sense for me to open one there as well.
Pinkie Pie: [squeals] We're almost there! Why doesn't your face look like this?! Eee...
Rarity: Oh, Pinkie, dear, this is just a business trip for me. I need to scour the city for the most perfect location for my new shop. And while it's lovely how excited you are, there's absolutely no chance of me getting swept into the– [gasps] [suddenly excited] energy, the beauty, the majesty of the greatest city in all of Equestria!
[doors open]
Rarity: [sighs] This city's simply a-ma-zing! It's just... everything, ever!
Pinkie Pie: And it's about to get everything ever-er! Because guess who I see! M-A-U-D! You know what that spells?
Maud Pie: [deadpan] It spells Maud.
Pinkie Pie: [squee]
[party cannon fires]
Pinkie Pie: Maud, Maud, Maud! Yay!
[theme song]
Rarity: Oh, you Pie sisters have just about the sweetest family traditions! Every year, you set aside a special day to spend with each of your sisters?
Pinkie Pie: Yep! I do separate trips with each one, and we make it super fun by picking a different location every year! We see the sights all day and then swap gifts at sunset! And since Maud's getting her rocktorate nearby, we figured this would be the perfect spot for PSSSD!
Rarity: [hushed] Okay, what's the secret?
Pinkie Pie: Huh?
Rarity: You just said 'pssst'.
Pinkie Pie: No, silly! Not pssst, PSSSD! P-S-S-S-D! Pie Sisters Surprise Swap Day!
[stallion snorts]
Pinkie Pie: [giggles nervously]
Rarity: Maud!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Boulder promised his cousin a postcard.
Rarity: Well, I'll just leave you two to your PSSSD. And now, I am off to scout possible locations for my new boutique!
Pinkie Pie: Before you go, can I ask you a quick question?
Rarity: Oh, of course.
Pinkie Pie: [loudly] Will you please help me?!
Rarity: [nervously] Only if you let go of my leg and stand up...
Pinkie Pie: Every year, Maud's PSSSD gift always blows mine away! But this year is going to be different! For the first time, I'm finally getting her a gift that's as good as the one she always gets me! There's a specialty store here in Manehattan that sells nothing but rock pouches! A rock pouch would be perfect for Boulder, and I know Maud will love it!
Rarity: Why, Pinkie, that really is the perfect gift for Maud!
Pinkie Pie: I know, right? Problem is, I still need to buy one, and the store is downtown!
Rarity: Hmm, and you want to get a pouch for Maud without ruining the surprise... Well, luckily for you, I know exactly what you should do! Why not sight-see on a path that leads right to the pouch store? That way Maud won't get suspicious! I'll come with you to distract Maud, so...
Pinkie Pie: ...I can sneak away to pick out a rock pouch! [gasps] And if you're coming with us, you can look at boutique locations along the way! [shouting] It's the perfect plan! [echoes out]
Rarity: Y-Yes, yes, yes, let's not get too excited until you actually get a pouch for Maud.
Pinkie Pie: Of course. Got it. Absolutely.
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Nothing moved him.
Pinkie Pie: Maud! I'm giving you the greatest PSSSD gift in the history of ever!
[party cannon fires]
Rarity: Oh, what a spectacular view! You really can see everything from here!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Especially the glaciation of the sloping strata. It's breathtaking.
Pinkie Pie: But not half as breathtaking as the gift I'm giving you!
[party cannon fires]
Rarity: I-It certainly is– [grunts] –cozy... but this simply won't do! Working in a space this small would make me lose my mind!
Pinkie Pie: Just like Maud's gonna lose her mind when she sees the gift I'm giving her!
[party cannon fires]
[skating sounds]
Rarity: [inhales]
Pinkie Pie: Whatever you were about to say isn't nearly as good as the gift I'm giving Maud!
[party cannon fires]
Maud Pie: [deadpan] You'll be pleased with yours too.
[drawing noises]
Rarity: Pinkie, put down that crayon! The Cantering Cook isn't that kind of restaurant!
Pinkie Pie: [spits]
[splash]
Rarity: Oh... A pony could get used to eating at places like this!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] I know. It's the only restaurant in the city with nepheline syenite in their bathroom tiles.
Rarity: [stutters] ...Well, isn't that something! [deliberately] You know what, Pinkie Pie? Uh, maybe you could help me figure out what to order!
Pinkie Pie: [hushed] We're so close to the pouch store! It's just a block away! I could practically smell it from here! If I knew what a pouch store smelled like.
[beat]
Rarity: [hushed] Okay, remember the plan. I will stay here and distract Maud while you go get a pouch!
Pinkie Pie: [hushed] Gotcha!
Rarity: [deliberately] Oh, why, thank you for the kind assistance, Pinkie Pie. And now I know exactly what to order.
Pinkie Pie: [deliberately] You are very welcome, Rarity! Now pardon me whilst I go wash my hooves!
[thump]
Pinkie Pie: Sorry!
Rarity: So, Maud... that Boulder of yours is such an interesting... ahem... character. You must tell me, how did the two of you first meet?
Maud Pie: [deadpan] It was a dark and stormy night. Little did I know that my life was about to change forever.
[cash register rings]
Pinkie Pie: [gasps] Look at that hand-stitched ten-thousand-thread-count velvet-lined rock pouch! Maud will love it! I need it!
[crash]
Pinkie Pie: Ungh! Huh, must be stuck! [reading] "Took a sudden vacation to Canterlot with my grandniece. Back in a few moons." Oh, no. Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no-no! Well, maybe, just maybe, he's already back from vacation and just forgot to take the sign down! [shouting and pounding on door] Hello, Mr. Pouch Store Owner! I'd like to hear all about your sudden vacation in Canterlot with your grandniece while buying a pouch for my sister please!
"Copper Top": Miss, the store's clearly closed.
Pinkie Pie: But it can't be. It just can't be! If I can't get that pouch... then not only am I not getting my sister the greatest present in the history of PSSSD, but now I have no PSSSD present for my sister at all!
[door opens]
Maud Pie: [deadpan] ...and Boulder's been by my side ever since.
Rarity: [deadpan] Wow. What a surprisingly suspenseful and compelling story. I completely get what you see in him now. [gasps] Pinkie Pie, you're back! [deliberately] Oh, your hooves must be sparkling clean!
Pinkie Pie: Huh? Oh, right. [sighs]
[beat]
Rarity: Garçon! One super-deluxe two-mile-high hot fudge sundae, stat!
[thump]
Rarity: What happened? Did you get a pouch for Maud? Tell me everything!
Pinkie Pie: [inhales] [quickly] The door to the rock pouch store is locked because the owner's on a sudden vacation to Canterlot with his grandniece for a few moons, and so there's no way I can get the perfect present for Maud, and now I don't have any present for her at all, so it'll be the worst Pie Sisters' Surprise Swap Day ever! [inhales]
[splat]
Pinkie Pie: [muffled sobbing]
Rarity: Oh, not to worry, dear! I'll just have to help you find a new present for Maud. We have plenty of time before your gift exchange at sunset and all of Manehattan to explore. We're bound to find something Maud would like. Maybe even more than a rock pouch!
Pinkie Pie: You're right! Thanks, Rarity!
[My Little Pony theme on piano interrupted by upwards glissando]
Rarity: Maud, I can't help but notice you're staring at that marvelous giraffe. I was just wondering, any chance you could see yourself with it?
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Only if I had a mirror.
Rarity: Now, Maud, I know you're a big fan of rocks, so get your camera ready, because these are the most spectacular rocks in all of Manehattan! Surely there must be something here that catches your eye.
Maud Pie: [deadpan] [hushed] Boulder says they're all too... stuck-up.
[Western-themed music]
Rarity: [whistles] All right. You and me, Maud, you and me. What do you think about... this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? Or this? This? This? This? This? This? [repeats, accelerating into gibberish]
Maud Pie: [deadpan] I like... that.
Rarity: What is it? You have to tell me! Was it this bike? This lamp? This grappling hook? What do you like?!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] I like that fissure in the sidewalk. It's an elegant example of thermal expansion and soil settlement.
[camera flashes]
[sound of kettle boiling]
Rarity: Fissure in thhhhhhhe soil...? What?! But I...! All of this...! And she likes a crack?!
[pop]
Pinkie Pie: Did she like anything?
Rarity: [hushed] That sister of yours is simply impossible to shop for! There's nothing she needs or wants!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] [calling out] Boulder. Boulder. Where'd you run off to? There you are. Sure wish I had something to carry you around in.
Pinkie Pie: A rock pouch was the perfect gift for Maud! Aw, and I know she would have loved the one I saw in the window! It had double stitching, a red drawstring...
Rarity: ...and ochre-flecked velvet lining with reinforced triple-crosshatched seams?
Pinkie Pie: Yep, that's the pouch. [beat] Wait, how'd you know?
Rarity: Because I'm looking at one just like it! Maybe if you can catch up with him, you could ask—
[zoom]
Pinkie Pie: Excuse me, sir! I couldn't help but notice your nifty rock pouch! Is there any chance you'd be willing to part with it? I really need it. Like, really really really!
"Street Rat": So lemme get this straight: You, uh, really really need this pouch, huh?
Pinkie Pie: I believe I said really really really.
"Street Rat": Well, you know, pouches like this are really hard to come by these days. But I might be able to part with it for the right price.
Pinkie Pie: So you'll sell it to me? And I'll finally be able to give my sister the perfect Pie Sisters' Surprise Swap Day present? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!
[party cannon fires]
"Street Rat": Hmmm. That's one sweet party cannon you got there. Tell you what. I'd be more than happy to give you the pouch for the low, low price of... that cannon.
Pinkie Pie: [gasps] M-My... party cannon...?
"Street Rat": Well, if you really wanna give that sister of yours the perfect present, then you'll have to give up your party cannon. So, what do you say? The pouch for the cannon.
[ding]
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Do you see the exposed chalcedony in the fissure?
Rarity: Probably?
Pinkie Pie: [despondent] What you guys lookin' at?
Rarity: Oh, you're back! [to Maud] Darling, I want to get one more picture of you with that astounding fissure in the sidewalk, and the inspiration just struck me for the perfect shot! Uh, be a dear and go stand behind it. Okay, now just, uh, back up a little bit! Little more! And now just a little... uh... twenty yards more! Perfect! Hold that pose! I think we found your new holiday card! [hushed, to Pinkie] So, how did it go? Tell me, tell me, tell me!
Pinkie Pie: [despondent] Well, I got the rock pouch for Maud, and... that's really the only thing that matters.
Rarity: Oh, I am so glad to hear that! She's going to absolutely love it!
Pinkie Pie: [despondent] Yup.
Rarity: "Yup"? That's it? You got your sister the greatest PSSSD present in the history of ever, and all you have to say is "yup"?
Pinkie Pie: [despondent] Yup.
Rarity: But... you're Pinkie Pie. You're supposed to be all [quickly] "Oh, I'm so excited I bought the rock pouch! And I know I say excited a lot when I'm actually just kind of excited, but this time I'm really excited about how excited I am about being this excited over the rock pouch!" [normally] And then you fire off your party cannon. Say, where is your cannon? [gasps] Did you lose it? Is your party cannon lost somewhere in the big city?!
Pinkie Pie: [despondent] Well... I wouldn't say it's lost. I mean, I know where it is. It's just... [sighs]
Rarity: I can clearly see that something's bothering you, and I want to help. But I can't help you unless you tell me what the problem is.
Pinkie Pie: [despondent] Oh, there's no problem. It just turns out that the going rate for a rock pouch in Manehattan is one party cannon. Who knew?
Rarity: You gave away your cannon?! But, but that party cannon is your everything! You absolutely love that cannon! How could you possibly part with something that means so much to you?!
Pinkie Pie: Well, I finally got Maud a gift that's just as good as the ones she always gets me, and that's all that really matters.
Rarity: Well, I guess I understand... maybe.
Pinkie Pie: Maud's going to be so excited. I can't wait to see the look on her face when she sees the pouch!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] I know, the camera loves Boulder.
Rarity: After the day we've had, I'm probably looking forward to the swap part of the Pie Sisters' Surprise Swap Day even more than the two of you! [giggles] And I'm not even a Pie sister! I can't wait one more second to see the wonderful gifts you've gotten each other!
Pinkie Pie: Well, you're going to have to. We don't just swap, silly. We always sing the Pie Sisters' Surprise Swap Day Song first! Ready, Maud?
Maud Pie: [deadpan] As I'll ever be.
[Pinkie Pie]
It's the Pie Sisters' Swap Day Sooooooong!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Hey.
Pinkie Pie: Okay, time to swap presents! Hmmmm. [licks]
[beat]
Rarity: [growls] Just open them already!
[paper ripping]
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Thanks.
Pinkie Pie: I knew you'd love it! It was all worth it! Look how happy she is! And I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you, Rarity. Okay! Time to open your present to me! Oh! You did it again! You got me the best present in the history of PSSSD! This is perfect! This is amazing! This is incredible! I love it, I love it, I love it! [beat] What is it?
Maud Pie: [deadpan] It's little pieces of cupcake-scented paper. You know, confetti. For your cannon.
Pinkie Pie: Maud... [sniffs] You know me so well. You really are the most thoughtful gift-giver in the world! I'm gonna love it five-ever! That's even longer than for-ever. [sighs happily]
Rarity: You're right, that is impressive. But it's no fissure in the sidewalk.
Maud Pie: [deadpan] [to Boulder] Play nice.
Rarity: Oh, I'm so relieved to see that you like the pouch. Especially considering what Pinkie Pie had to give up for it. [gasps] Oh!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] What?
Rarity: I mean... forget I said that! I'm, I-I-I'm glad to see that you like the pouch. You can remember that part. Just forget the second part. You know, the second part where I said that Pinkie Pie had to give something up— [shrieks] Perhaps I should just stop talking now. Nothing!
Pinkie Pie: Hee-hee, yay! I love my sister and my new confetti!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Why isn't she using her party cannon?
Rarity: Gahhhh...
[dirt dragging noises]
Rarity: [deliberately] Ooh! Wow, look how filthy my hooves are! I really should go wash them!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Where's her cannon?
Rarity: No, no, stop, stop giving me that look! I can't take it! Nnnnn... [quickly] Pinkie Pie feels bad that the gifts that she always gives you are never as good as the ones that you give her!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] What?
Rarity: That's why she was willing to give up the party cannon for the pouch!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] She gave up her party cannon?
Pinkie Pie: [blows confetti]
Rarity: Pinkie Pie! You might want to come over here for a second!
Pinkie Pie: I think I know what this is about. You guys wanna ride the swans. Well, there are swan boats, but there are real swans here we can ri—
Maud Pie: [deadpan] You gave away your party cannon?
Rarity: [inhales] She broke me.
Pinkie Pie: Nnngh, it's just... It's just... It's just... You always give better gifts than me! That's why I had to get you the perfect gift! [beat] Are your hooves dirty? Where're you going?!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] To get your cannon back.
Maud Pie: [deadpan] There.
Pinkie Pie: Yep! That sure is the pony I got the pouch from!
Rarity: That's amazing! How did you know where he'd be?
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Maud Sense.
Pinkie Pie: Runs in the family!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] I'd like to return this pouch for my sister's party cannon, please.
"Street Rat": Sorry, missy, all sales are final.
Maud Pie: [deadpan] [slightly more forcefully] I'd like to return this pouch for my sister's party cannon, please.
Rarity: Ooh, I've never seen her like this! Look at the fire in her eyes! You'd better do what she says!
"Street Rat": Fire in her eyes?
Rarity: Oh! Did she just clench her jaw?! I think she clenched her jaw!
"Street Rat": I didn't see.
Rarity: Oh, no! When she clenches her jaw... you know what that means?!
"Street Rat": What? What's it mean?
Rarity: Trust me, you do not want to know!
Maud Pie: [deadpan] I'd like to return this pouch.
"Street Rat": [whimpering] Here! Take it, take it, please! Just relax that jaw of yours and turn down that fire in your eyes! [whimpering]
[skidding]
Pinkie Pie: Maud! I'm so happy you got me my party cannon back! Yay!
[party cannon fires]
Pinkie Pie: Uh-oh. I just realized something. 'Cause you gave back the pouch for my cannon, this is now the second gift you've gotten me today! And it's something I really, really wanted! You did it again! Your gifts are always better than mine! Next year, I'm gonna have to really step it up and—
Maud Pie: [deadpan] Pinkie, gift giving isn't a competition. It's an expression of love, and you always make sure to give your gifts with lots of love. That's why I'll always love them, and you, five-ever. That's even longer than for-ever.
Pinkie Pie: Awwww! [to Rarity] There you are! You've sure been washing your hooves for a long time! We've got a train to catch here!
Rarity: I know, but there is one more sight you two simply must see before we leave.
Rarity: Voila! Welcome to the future home of "Rarity For You"! What do you think of the place? Is this the right location? Did I pick a good spot?
Maud Pie: [deadpan] No. You picked the perfect spot.
Pinkie Pie: You know, I think this might be my favorite PSSSD ever! But I can't wait 'til next year's PSSS-D-W-R!
Rarity: Wait. PSSS-D-W-R? What's that?
Pinkie Pie: P-S-S-S-D-W-R! It's a new tradition that Maud and I came up with! Pie Sisters' Surprise Swap Day...
Maud Pie: [deadpan] With Rarity.
Rarity: Oh! Ohhh! Why, that's the sweetest... Oh, no. Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no. I know how good you two are at giving gifts! I'm going to have to get you both something amazing, and I only have a year to do it!
Pinkie Pie: Oh, Rarity! It doesn't matter what you get us! As long as you give your gift with love, it'll be perfect!
Rarity: [sighs] Why, thank you, Pinkie.
Pinkie Pie: Buuuut now that you mention it... I could use more confetti for my party cannon. You wouldn't believe how much of that stuff I go through in a day!
[party cannon fires]
[flute music over credits]

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