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Transcripts/The Mysterious Mare Do Well

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Episode The Mysterious Mare Do Well
Previous May the Best Pet Win!
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[ponies chattering]
Scootaloo: Attention, everypony! Attention! The official Rainbow Dash Fan Club will come to order. Let's get right down to our first order of business. I motion that Rainbow Dash be declared the most awesome pony in Ponyville.
Snails: I second the motion, and might I add that if you looked up the word 'awesome' in the dictionary, there would be a picture of Rainbow Dash.
[ponies agreeing]
Snips: I object!
[ponies gasp]
Snips: I think the word 'awesome' is played out! Rainbow Dash deserves better! I motion that we declare her the most stupendous pony!
Scootaloo: 'Stupendous'? Is that the best you've got? I motion that we declare her... wonderiffic!
Snips: Astonishing!
Scootaloo: Breathtaking!
Snips: Astounding!
Scootaloo: Bedazzling!
Rainbow Dash: What about super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing?
[ponies agreeing]
Scootaloo: All in favor of declaring Rainbow Dash the most 'super-ultra-extra-uh-whatever you said' pony in all of Ponyville, say 'aye'!
Fan club: Aye! [cheering]
Rainbow Dash: [giggles]
[theme song]
Rainbow Dash: [sigh] What a beautiful day. There's nothing like a dip in the clouds to make a Pegasus feel super relaxed.
Aura: Help! Help! Help! Help!
Rainbow Dash: Looks like my sky swim will have to wait! I'm Rainbow Dash, and I'm here to rescue you!
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: Wow. What's with this crowd? Uh, thanks, everypony. It was really no big deal.
Aura: To me it was! You're my hero, Rainbow Dash!
[ponies cheering]
Scootaloo: That Rainbow Dash sure is something.
Snips and Snails: Something special.
"Millie": [screams]
Cream Puff: [crying]
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: [gasps] Oh no! There's something wrong with the baby!
[crowd gasps]
Rainbow Dash: She's not cheering for everypony's favorite hero, Rainbow Dash!
[ponies cheering]
[cameras clicking]
Scootaloo: There just aren't enough words in the dictionary to describe Rainbow Dash's awesomeness.
Twilight Sparkle: I can think of a few new words.
Applejack: And I bet 'modest' is not one of them.
[ponies cheering]
Twilight Sparkle: No, but she is kinda awesome.
[elderly ponies chattering]
[splintering wood]
Rainbow Dash: Never fear, your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash is here!
[elderly ponies screaming]
[ponies cheering]
Pony 1: We'd be lost without you!
Pony 2: You're our hero, Rainbow Dash!
Crowd: Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!
Rainbow Dash: I can't hear you!
Crowd: Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash!
Twilight Sparkle: Call me silly, but I think this whole hero thing might be going to Rainbow Dash's head.
Pinkie Pie: You may be right...silly.
Rainbow Dash: And then I zoomed into the well. I knew it would be dark and dangerous, but I didn't let that stop me. Danger's my middle name. Rainbow 'Danger' Dash. Thinking back on it, I acted pretty awesomely heroic that day.
Spike: That day.
Applejack: Awesomely heroic that day and awesomely arrogant ever since.
Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle: Mm-hm.
Rainbow Dash: Hey, Applejack. How'd you like to be immortalized as my friend?
Applejack: Immorta-what?
[camera clicking]
Twilight Sparkle: Are you taking notes?
Spike: Yup! I've been hoof-picked by Rainbow Dash herself, to write her autobiography!
Twilight Sparkle: Umm, autobiographies are supposed to be written by the pony they are about.
Rainbow Dash: Maybe for your normal, run-of-the-mill ponies. But I'm far too busy saving lives to stop and write. That's why I hired Spike as my ghost writer.
Pinkie Pie: [yelps] Spike's a ghost!
Rainbow Dash: ...Anyway. Spike here writes down everything I say. Don't you, Spike?
Spike: Don't... you... Spike. Got it!
Rainbow Dash: This way, I can stay focused on performing those acts of bravery that nopony else has the guts to perform. Yep, it takes guts. But it also takes brains. And sometimes a big lunch and a nap. Being a hero is surely not for everypony, but I'm up to the challenge.
Rainbow Dash: [grunts] There you go.
"Lemon Daze": Someday, I wanna be just like you!
Rainbow Dash: Aim high, kid, but don't aim for the impossible.
Cherry Berry: [screams]
[ponies gasp]
Cherry Berry: Help! Help!
Snips: Uh, don't you think you should go and help?
Rainbow Dash: [muffled] Yeah, yeah. I've got a good ten seconds to spare. Just a couple more.
Spike: The tension is unbearable. Will Rainbow Dash make it on time?
[ponies cheering]
Pony: Holy turnips, that pony came outta nowhere!
Daisy: I've never seen such bravery in all my life!
Mayor Mare: That's right! Ponyville has a new hero. A mysterious mare that has done well by our fair city today. I dub this new masked hero 'The Mysterious Mare Do Well'!
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: Mare Do Well, huh? Well that mare would do well to stay outta my way! Ponyville's only got room for one hero, and that hero is me!
[ponies screaming]
Rainbow Dash: [clears throat] Never fear, your friendly neighborhood Rainbow–
Globe Trotter: Excuse me, uh, do you think you could skip your catchphrase and just hurry up and save us?!
Rainbow Dash: Ugh, fine! Picky, picky. Whoaaaa! Aah!
[ponies cheering]
"Wisp": Oh, thank you, Mare Do We– e...
Rainbow Dash: I can't believe it. Mare Do Well is stronger than me? Well, a hero is more than just muscle, and she's gonna learn that the hard way.
[jackhammer and drills]
Crafty Crate: Huh?
Rainbow Dash: Huh? Never fear, your friendly neighbor– Whoa!
[building creaking]
Rainbow Dash: Never fear– Uh! I'm coming! Hold on! Whoa!
Jack Hammer: Look!
Crafty Crate: [cheers]
"Jim Beam": Look out for the– Watch out for falling– On your left! Agh! Your other left!
Rainbow Dash: Here ya go, safe and sound.
"Jim Beam": [faints]
Rainbow Dash: Well, Mare Do Well, or should I call you Mare Do Slow? You're gonna have to pick up the pace if you wanna compete with me, 'cause I move like lightning.
"Rivet": Actually, she saved all of us! We owe her our lives!
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: [growls] Okay. She's strong, fast, and somehow knows what's gonna happen ahead of time. I've gotta step up my game.
[water rushing]
Rainbow Dash: [gasps] If the dam breaks, the whole town will be flooded! Looks like Ponyville needs a hero! Easy peasy.
[stone cracking]
Rainbow Dash: My game is officially back on. If only somepony were here to pat me on the back. Eh, guess I'll have do it myself– [yelps] [screams] Help! [spits] Help! You?! I suppose you want me to thank– You gotta be kidding me...
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: Lemme get this straight. She's strong, she's agile, and she's magic? Ughhh! How do I compete with that? Wait a minute. I do have a leg up on her. And that leg is... wings! Hah! Take that, Mare Do Well!
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: Oh, for the love of Pete.
Applejack: Gotta hand it to the girl, that Mare Do Well sure can pull off some pretty heroic feats.
Twilight Sparkle: I must say, I was impressed by that spell she used to fix the dam. Seems like something like that would take quite a bit of study.
Rainbow Dash: [growls]
Fluttershy: She really cares about everypony's safety.
Rarity: Have you seen her costume? It is to die for! If you ask me she's a hero of fashion.
Applejack: And she's modest and humble. She lets her actions speak for themselves. Gotta admire that.
Rainbow Dash: I don't have to admire that! I don't think she's all that great!
Spike: She's... great.
Rainbow Dash: I didn't say that.
Twilight Sparkle: Sounds like somepony's jealous.
Rainbow Dash: Who, me?
Spike: Rainbow Dash is jealous.
Rainbow Dash: Don't write that, Spike!
[others laughing]
Spike: Correction: Rainbow Dash is very jealous.
Rainbow Dash: Fine! Laugh all you want, but I'll be the one laughing when I prove to you all that I'm just as good– no, that I'm a better hero than Mare Do Well!
Rainbow Dash: Huh, no sign of trouble here. Darn it.
Rainbow Dash: Buses and baby carriages are always careening down this hill. Where is an out-of-control vehicle when you need one?!
Rainbow Dash: Rrgh, there are absolutely no freak natural disasters going on anywhere! How am I supposed to prove myself when everything's so normal and safe? [gasps] Hold it right there, Granny Smith! You don't have to pretend with me. I can see that you're in way over your head here.
Granny Smith: Eh, what's that?
Rainbow Dash: You're putting on a brave face, I get it. But you don't have to anymore. I'll help you cross the street!
Granny Smith: [grunting] Actually, I can cross the street just fine!
Rainbow Dash: Don't worry! You're in extremely... capable... hooves!
Granny Smith: [panicked grunts] Back off!
Rainbow Dash: [pants] Here we are! Safe and sound. A good and heroic citizen deserves a little recognition, don't you think?
Granny Smith: I didn't wanna cross the street in the first place! [complaining and squeaking]
Amethyst Star: [grunting]
Rainbow Dash: [gasps] Somepony's in trouble!
Amethyst Star: [grunting]
Rainbow Dash: You'd better let me handle this, ma'am! For your own safety, I must ask you to stand back!
Amethyst Star: Oh, brother.
Rainbow Dash: [cracks neck] [grunting]
Rainbow Dash: Ta-da!
Amethyst Star: Uh... thanks.
Rainbow Dash: How would you describe what I just did? Would you say I was amazing?
Amethyst Star: Aren't you milking this a bit?
Rainbow Dash: Please, just answer the question! Was I, or was I not, amazing?
Amethyst Star: Oh, you're amazing alright. An amazingly–
Rainbow Dash: Oh, look!
[lawnmower rattling]
Rainbow Dash: Another great feat of heroism! I have just saved that grass!
"Pine Breeze": From what?
Rainbow Dash: From weeds! Weeds that were attempting to eat this lawn!
Liza Doolots: Lame...
Pony: Whatever.
Rainbow Dash: Aww, who am I kidding?
[thundercloud rumbles throughout]
Rainbow Dash: All anypony talks about is Mare Do Well this and Mare Do Well that! What about me? How could everypony forget about me so easily? I mean... have I changed? Same sleek body. Same flowing mane. Same spectacular hooves. Nope, I'm still awesome. They're wrong. But... then... why am I all alone? I hate being all alone.
Scootaloo: Hey, Rainbow Dash!
Rainbow Dash: I knew it! No need to apologize, squirt. Anypony could make that mistake.
Scootaloo: Mistake? What mistake?
Rainbow Dash: Wait a minute. Why are you here?
Scootaloo: To invite you to join us! We're heading off to the thank you parade for Ponyville's greatest hero, Mare Do Well.
Rainbow Dash: No! No way! Can't you see I-I wanna be alone? I love being alone.
Scootaloo: Oh, okay. See you later then.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, right, like I'm gonna thank her. [mockingly] Thank you, Mare Do Well, whoever you are, for ruining e– [normal] Hey, squirt! Wait up!
Mayor Mare: Welcome to Ponyville's first, but surely not last, thank you parade, in honor of our city's greatest hero, the mysterious Mare Do Well!
[ponies cheering]
Rainbow Dash: The mysterious Mare Do Well, huh?
[ponies gasp]
Rainbow Dash: So what are you hiding? Let's see how mysterious you are without that mask!
Mare Do Well: [whistles]
Rainbow Dash: What the hay?
Mare Do Well: [whistles]
Rainbow Dash: Grrr... I got you now! Alright, Miss Mysterious! Mystery... solved! [yelps] P-p-p-p- Pinkie?! Whudda- hud-d-duh- hud-d-duh- huh?! Twilight?! Applejack?! There were three of you?!
Twilight Sparkle: Yup, we all played Mare Do Well at different times.
Applejack: I stopped the carriage bus with these babies, Bucky McGillicuddy and Kicks McGee.
Pinkie Pie: I saved the construction workers with my Pinkie Sense. [twitches]
[flowerpot shatters]
Cherry Berry: Sorry!
Pinkie Pie: It's alright.
Twilight Sparkle: And I used my magic to fix the dam.
Fluttershy: Ooh, ooh! And I did the flyby afterwards.
Rarity: I made the costumes. Fabulous if I do say so myself!
Rainbow Dash: I don't understand. Why? Don't you want me to be a hero?
Twilight Sparkle: Of course we want you to be a hero.
Applejack: But a real hero doesn't brag.
Rainbow Dash: Uh, I guess I did start to brag a little.
Other main cast: A little?!
Rainbow Dash: Okay, a lot.
Twilight Sparkle: Celebrating your accomplishments is natural. But...
Applejack: ...Rubbin' them in everypony's face is not.
Pinkie Pie: Yeah, the only thing that should be rubbed in anypony's face is chocolate cake. [slurp]
Applejack: I think we're getting off topic here.
Twilight Sparkle: What we're trying to say is, it's great to be really good at something, but it's important to act with grace and humility.
Rainbow Dash: Ohhhh. That makes loads more sense. Yeah. You're right. And I guess I should've also acted with grace and humility when others outshine me. Like Mare Do Well.
Twilight Sparkle: Sounds like you've got a letter to write to Princess Celestia.
Spike: Already got it covered. As your ghost writer, I've already penned a letter to the Princess.
Rainbow Dash: That's nice of you, Spike, but I really wanna write this letter myself.
Spike: Aww, come on, I wrote the whole thing already!
Rainbow Dash: Okay, let's hear it.
Spike: [clears throat] Dear Princess Cel-
Rainbow Dash: Look out! It's a real ghost!
Pinkie Pie and Spike: [yelping and screaming]
Others: [laughing]

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