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Transcripts/What About Discord?

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Episode What About Discord?
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Spike: [sighs] Didn't we just shelve all the books in the library a few months ago?
Twilight Sparkle: Yes, but that was because we needed to! This is just because I want to! I call it my "book-sort-cation"! Three uninterrupted days of reorganizing books. Can you think of anything more relaxing?
Spike: Well, claw massages, back rubs, bubble baths... You weren't really looking for an answer, were you?
Twilight Sparkle: I've even devised a better system for organizing them. It decreases the amount of time it takes to find a book you're looking for by nearly three quarters of a second!
Spike: [flatly] Whoa. That much?
Twilight Sparkle: Look at them all. Why, there must be at least twenty thousand books to organize!
Owlowiscious: [hoots]
Twilight Sparkle: Best long weekend ever! I'm sure we can make some time for a claw massage and a back rub too.
Spike: Yes! Best long weekend ever!
[theme song]
[door opens]
Twilight Sparkle: [exhales]
Spike: Whoa! That strange yellow orb in the sky! What is that?
Twilight Sparkle: Alright, alright, so it's been a little while since we've seen the sun.
Spike: A little while? We've been in that library for three straight days!
Twilight Sparkle: Yes, but they were three very productive days! Even if you did take that two-hour claw massage break.
Spike: Hey, you promise a claw massage, I'm getting a claw massage.
Twilight Sparkle: It's not like we missed anything.
Rainbow Dash and Discord: Hello, Twilight! Hi, Spike!
Twilight Sparkle: Hi, Rainbow Dash. Good to see you, Discord.
Spike: Did you rehearse before you found us?
Rainbow Dash and Discord: What makes you think we practiced?
Twilight Sparkle: Come on, Rainbow Dash. What's going on here?
Rainbow Dash: [laughing] Sorry. Me and Discord are just messin' around. Like we do.
Twilight Sparkle: Since when?
Discord: Oh, Twilight. We simply had a momentous time together these past three days. You could say it was... "hiss-terical"! [laughs]
Rainbow Dash: [laughing] Sneaky snake!
Discord: [laughing] Just snaking around!
Rainbow Dash: Good one, Discord! [laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: It is?
Rainbow Dash: Kind of an inside joke from this weekend. You wouldn't really get it unless you were there.
Twilight Sparkle: Oh. Okay.
Rainbow Dash: Cool. Well, uh, catch you later, Twilight!
Discord: [laughing] Catch you later, Twilight.
[magic zap]
Twilight Sparkle: That was strange, right? Since when have Rainbow Dash and Discord had inside jokes?
Spike: Since sometime in the last three days, I guess.
Twilight Sparkle: Hey! Nopony made you join me on my book-sort-cation.
Spike: I'm jokin', I'm jokin'!
[door opens, bell rings]
Twilight Sparkle: Rarity?
Rarity: [gasps] Twilight! You've returned from your book sorting sabbatical! All that organizing has done wonders for your complexion!
Twilight Sparkle: Thanks! It was very relaxing. And we were able to clear a shelf for those old-fashioned books you wanted to donate.
Rarity: Oh, pfft, they're not old, darling. They're vintage, and they're over there! I've even included my favorites by former Canterlot designer to the stars Rococo Froufrou!
Spike: Oh, I love her!
Rarity: Him.
Spike: [laughs nervously] Both.
Discord: Twilight! This makes twice I'm seeing you in one day! Aren't I lucky?
Twilight Sparkle: Weren't you just with—
Fluttershy: Hi, Twilight! Hi, Spike! How was your book-sort-cation?
Twilight Sparkle: It was good!
Fluttershy: [giggles] Orange you glad you did it?
Fluttershy, Rarity, and Discord: [laughing]
Rarity: [within laughter] "Orange you glad"! Oh, Fluttershy, you're a card! [laughing]
Fluttershy: Oh, please. You'll make me blush.
Discord: You do seem to be turning a shade of... [gasps] orange!
Fluttershy and Rarity: [laughing]
Rarity: Oh, sorry, darling. You see, we were at Sweet Apple Acres and, uh, ooh, how to explain...
Discord: Well, let me try and paint her a picture, dearest.
Spike: [to himself] "Dearest"?
Discord: [imitating Bob Ross] You see, we were all at Sweet Apple Acres, and I ended up turning the trees into the most— [normal] Oh, who am I kidding? I simply can't do it justice. You really had to be there.
Fluttershy: We would've invited you to come along too, but we didn't want to interrupt your organizing. We know how important it is to you.
Discord: And I'm sure it was much more important than the fun that we had. [laughs]
Twilight Sparkle: I appreciate that... Speaking of books, I should get these on the shelves.
Fluttershy and Rarity: [laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: Hmm. Rainbow Dash bonding with Discord, Rarity finding something he did genuinely funny... Must've been some weekend.
Spike: Somepony sorry she missed it?
Twilight Sparkle: Of course not.
Applejack and Pinkie Pie: [laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: What's got you two in hysterics?
Discord: [gulps] Oh, we were just reminiscing about the best weekend ever!
Twilight Sparkle: [hushed] He's everywhere today, isn't he?
Discord: Oh, now where was I? Ah, yes, we had just finished our soup, and then Applejack said, [imitating Applejack] "Peanut butter hoof? Yuck, not even with jelly!"
Applejack and Pinkie Pie: [laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: Eh, I don't get it.
Pinkie Pie: [laughing] It was hilarious! I wish we'd taken a picture for you!
Discord: Oh, well, this should do!
Applejack and Pinkie Pie: [laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: I guess that's funny?
Discord: Well, seems this has become quite the... sticky situation! [laughing]
Applejack and Pinkie Pie: [laughing]
Pinkie Pie: [within laughter] Sticky situation!
Applejack: Aw, shucks, Twilight. We haven't even asked how your weekend went.
Twilight Sparkle: It was fine!
Discord: And yet you look so glum. Does somepony need a huggy-wuggy? [babying noises]
[sproing, sproing]
Twilight Sparkle: I am not glum. I'm glad! I'm glad you all had such a good time together. Having inside jokes can really create a lasting bond between friends.
Discord: I'm just sorry that all this bonding happened while you were holed up in your castle.
Applejack: Heh. Oh, don't you worry about Twilight. Bet you were in hog heaven organizin' all them books. Again.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm sure I had just as much fun as the rest of you.
Twilight Sparkle: I can't believe I missed out on all that bonding!
Spike: [gulps] I knew it! You are jealous!
Twilight Sparkle: Spike, I'm the Princess of Friendship. I don't get jealous. I'm sorry I missed out because sharing that experience would've helped me with my Princess of Friendship duties!
Spike: [chewing] [mouth full] Come again?
Twilight Sparkle: If our friends could enjoy three full days with Discord that much, it must have something to do with the specific things they did together! If we could find out what those things were, it could be a real breakthrough in the science of friendship!
Spike: Hm. I guess so.
[magic zap]
Twilight Sparkle: I know so! You thought our book-sort-cation was fun? This is gonna be even better!
Twilight Sparkle: Thank you for coming. I wouldn't have asked you here if it wasn't important.
Pinkie Pie: I love important!
Twilight Sparkle: I want to know how these funny moments you shared came to pass. I can use this data to help advance friendships all over Equestria.
Applejack: Well, I like the sound of that!
Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash and Rarity: [general agreement]
Twilight Sparkle: Perfect. Let's start with the snake.
Rainbow Dash and Discord: [laughing]
Rainbow Dash: I don't know if I can get it out! It's too funny!
Discord: Oh, but we must! It's for the greater good! It started when we were helping Granny Smith with her garden...
[flashback music starts]
Applejack: Uh, I reckon you mean my sister Apple Bloom.
Discord: Eh... All you Apples look the same. And then Rainbow Dash saw a snake!
Fluttershy: I think it was a garden hose.
Rainbow Dash: It was a hose snake. Super deadly.
Applejack: I recall it bein' a large stick that looked like a hose that, in turn, did in fact resemble a snake.
Pinkie Pie: Point is, we galloped away.
Rainbow Dash: And it chased after us!
Twilight Sparkle: The hose? A snake? A stick?
Rainbow Dash: A snake!
Fluttershy: A hose!
Applejack: A stick!
Discord: We literally trotted for our lives. Isn't that hilarious?
Fluttershy: I guess you had to be there.
Twilight Sparkle: I do need to be there.
Rarity: But you weren't! And it's already happened! Ooh, are you suggesting...
Pinkie Pie: Time travel?!
[Back to the Future theme plays]
Twilight Sparkle: Absolutely not! Time travel is not something to be messed with. We simply need to recreate everything that led to these jokes.
Discord: Oh, what a brilliant idea! Shall we begin with the lunch date that kicked off the glorious weekend you missed out on?
Twilight Sparkle: Are you sure it was this table?
Rainbow Dash: Uh, does it really matter?
Twilight Sparkle: When it comes to science, everything matters. One change to the equation could ruin the experiment.
Discord: Ohhhhhh... it was this table here.
Twilight Sparkle: Alright, so you sat down at the table, and then what happened?
Rarity: Oh, well, first I expressed my displeasure with the design of the menu. It—
Discord: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just noticed something.
Twilight Sparkle: Yes?
Discord: The tablecloth. It isn't the same color as the one the restaurant used on the day in question.
Twilight Sparkle: ...Really?
Rarity: He's right! The tablecloth was red! I remember because it clashed with the font on the menus.
Applejack: I don't suppose that means we're gonna need to get a new tablecloth, does it?
Discord: Oh, most definitely.
[magic sparkles]
Fluttershy: Ooh.
Pinkie Pie: Wowee!
Discord: One change to the equation could ruin the experiment. Twilight said so herself. Anything stand out as being different? Anything at all?
Fluttershy: Um, I've noticed a couple of things.
Pinkie Pie: Me too!
Discord: Excellent!
[magic zap]
Discord: A little to the left! No, my left! A little bit more... Oh, no, no, no, no, no, a little more right!
Pinkie Pie: The cloud over our table looked like an ice cream sundae!
Pinkie Pie: Perfect!
[slide whistle ascending and descending]
Discord: No-no-no-no-no, this is barely room temperature! Garçon! Garçon, over here!
Main cast sans Twilight Sparkle: [laughing]
Discord: No? Nothing?
Twilight Sparkle: Are you sure there's not something you've missed? Some other detail about your lunch together that you're forgetting?
Discord: Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but I feel we've been pretty exhaustive in our attempts to recreate every single detail of our previous encounter.
Mane cast sans Twilight Sparkle: [general agreement]
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, Twilight. If you don't get it by now, I don't think you're ever gonna get it.
Twilight Sparkle: But it is really important that I figure this out. It's for the good of all Equestria!
[ticker tape machine whirring]
Discord: Well, perhaps we should have another look at the data we've collected. [gasps] Of course! There is one last variable that we haven't accounted for.
Twilight Sparkle: What?
Discord: You!
Twilight Sparkle: Me?
Discord: You weren't there observing us. No matter how hard we try, we can't possibly recreate our weekend of fun exactly as it happened because you'll always be watching, and you weren't there.
Main cast sans Twilight Sparkle: Hmmm.
Pinkie Pie: He makes a good point.
Discord: It has only served to prove that moments of levity and bonding between friends simply cannot be recreated so that others might share in the experience.
Pinkie Pie: He makes another good point!
Rarity: Oh, don't worry, darling. I'm sure there'll be plenty of other chances for you to share in the kind of [starts giggling] frivolity we had with Discord while you were away.
Rainbow Dash: Yeah, and I'll bet they'll be just as hissssss-terical! [laughing]
Discord: [laughing]
Fluttershy: [laughing] Absolutely.
Twilight Sparkle: I'm not buying it. Not for a second. There is definitely something else going on here, Spike!
Spike: [gulps] Or maybe there isn't, and you should just drop this whole thing and admit that you're a little jealous!
Twilight Sparkle: Even if I'm not able to laugh at what happened, I should be able to figure out why they find it funny. Why they think they had this amazing and hilarious time together. But I can't figure it out! It doesn't make sense!
Spike: Some things just can't be explained.
Twilight Sparkle: Our friends think something great happened to them while I was away, but no. It was something awful! If we don't break the spell they're under, who knows what terrible things could happen?!
Spike: Spell?
Twilight Sparkle: Come on, Spike! There's no time to lose!
Twilight Sparkle: Zecora, what do you think? Can you undo Discord's magic?
[powder falling, cauldron bubbling]
Zecora: In what way can you tell that they are indeed under a spell?
Twilight Sparkle: They're having fun with Discord, that's why!
Zecora: Ah. A friendship with Discord is truly a shock. But who says it is something that we must block?
Twilight Sparkle: Trust me, they would never laugh like that unless something magical was involved. It's not that funny. I know funny.
Zecora: Alright. This potion will break the spell, then you will be able to tell.
Spike: Wait. If that's the potion, then what's brewing in your cauldron?
Zecora: It ties the room together and emits a warm glow. But if I am to be honest, it's just for show.
Applejack: [yawns] I wonder why she asked us here so bright and early.
Rarity: Another map adventure, perhaps?
Pinkie Pie: Nope, no glowing tushies here!
Fluttershy: Or maybe it's more of a non-adventure. Maybe she just wants to tell us how last night's slumber went?
[door opens]
Twilight Sparkle: Hey, gang!
Pinkie Pie: Ooh, you look excited!
Twilight Sparkle: I am excited! We're gonna have fun today!
Pinkie Pie: Yes!
Twilight Sparkle: Just one tiny, minuscule, microscopic thing before fun times. I need everypony to sip this potion to break Discord's spell on you!
Applejack: A what now?
Twilight Sparkle: Don't be embarrassed. So what if Discord cast a spell on you so you thought you had a great time, and now you have all these inside jokes that you seem to be constantly laughing at? Don't worry! You didn't have your defenses up. I get it.
[liquid pouring]
Rainbow Dash: You're kidding.
Rarity: Twilight, darling, we simply had a nice time with Discord. As I recall, we spent much of yesterday afternoon reenacting it for you.
[liquid pouring]
Twilight Sparkle: Uh-huh. Or you reenacted what you thought was fun but really wasn't because you were under a spell that made you think what happened was fun!
Applejack: What kind of fertilizer have you had your nose in, Twilight?
Twilight Sparkle: Be honest. The only reason you won't drink the potion is because, deep down in your hearts, you know there's a chance that Discord has you under his power!
Fluttershy: Twilight, how could you say such a thing?! I know Discord still makes mistakes sometimes, but you're accusing him of being downright evil!
Rainbow Dash: Yeah! And to top it off, you're accusing us of not being able to tell he was up to something! What do you take us for?
Pinkie Pie: Yeah! [glug] What do you [glug] take us for?!
Pinkie Pie: Dee-licious! Got any more, Twilight?
[door opens]
Discord: Hi, Twilight! The gang mentioned we'd all be hanging out together today!
[liquid pouring]
Twilight Sparkle: "The gang"?
Discord: Yeah! The peanut-butter-hoof gang! [tapping]
Main cast sans Twilight Sparkle: [laughing]
Pinkie Pie: [laughing] It's still funny!
Applejack: [hushed] So much for that whole "spell" theory.
Discord and main cast sans Twilight Sparkle: [laughing]
Twilight Sparkle: Ugh. But it's still not funny!
Rainbow Dash: It's funny if you were there.
Twilight Sparkle: But I wasn't there! I wasn't included! Maybe it's my own fault for staying in and having a book-sort-cation when I could have been making jokes and memories and having a great time with my friends! But I didn't do that, did I?! You all did! You were all there, but—! [sighs] I wasn't there. I missed out. And seeing you having all these jokes I wasn't a part of and couldn't understand made me...
Spike: Jealous?
Twilight Sparkle: No. The Princess of Friendship can't get jealous.
Applejack: Sure you can, Twilight, and none of us begrudge you for it.
Fluttershy: We're sorry if we made you feel left out.
Twilight Sparkle: You didn't do anything wrong. You're allowed to share things that don't include me.
Rarity: And you're allowed to feel a little jealous about it. You just have to be able to admit that that's what you're feeling so you can let it go.
Rainbow Dash: And, you know, not try to make us recreate everything that happened when you weren't around.
[magic zap]
Discord: Of course none of this would've happened if I hadn't encouraged everypony not to invite you this weekend.
Twilight Sparkle: They wanted me to be there? And you convinced them to not invite me?
Discord: Well, I didn't think that they should interrupt you. But now I see that we should have. Oh, I feel just terrible.
Pinkie Pie: You don't look like you feel terrible.
Discord: Better?
Applejack: Wait a minute. You didn't suggest not inviting Twilight because you wanted to make her feel left out, did you?
Discord: Of course not. That whole jealousy thing was just a happy accident.
[magic zap]
Discord: Certainly we can all agree that Princess Twilight learned a valuable lesson here – that even she can have feelings of jealousy, that she should recognize said feelings rather than trying to pretend that she doesn't have them. Mm-hmm. Did I get the tiniest bit of glee out of watching her try to recreate our weekend of fun in the name of science? Oh, most definitely! But what's important here is that it was never my intent to make Twilight feel jealous. That's something that the old me would have tried to do. Orange you glad I've changed?
[long beat]
Discord: I said, Orange you glad I've changed?
[myriad thumps]
Pinkie Pie: [coughs]
Discord: Orange! Like the ones at the Applejack farm! I-I mean, from this weekend!
Discord: No? Nothing? Really? I thought you'd find this hisss-terical!
[rattlesnake tail rattling]
Rarity: ...Yes, no. Discord, I think these jokes have run their course.
Pinkie Pie: Only way we'd find them funny now is if you put us all under some kind of spell!
Twilight Sparkle: Come on, you'd have to be a complete crazy pony to think he'd do something like that! What are you gonna say next, Pinkie? That we all have to drink some weird potion to break the spell?
Main cast sans Twilight Sparkle: [laughing]
Discord: W-W-What's so funny?
Rainbow Dash: Come on, Discord, do we really have to spell it out for you?
Main cast: [laughing, continues under]
Discord: I-I-I don't get it. Somepony want to tell me what's so hilarious? Anypony? Hello?!
[magic zap]
Discord: I'm talking to you! You! And-and you and you! W-W-What's funny about spells? I mean, really, I don't get it, I feel left out and I feel really bad about that...
Spike: Sorry, buddy. Guess you had to be there.
[magic zap]
[magic zap]
Main cast and Discord: [laughing]

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