Last Saturday in DT's quarters (aka his Mom's house)

Uh, so bored.  Nothing to do, studied enough.  Maybe I can play some games.  Ok maybe Dishonored...naw not in a stealthy mood.  I can shoot things in TF2?  Naw don't feel like dealing with butthurt admins tonight.  I could finish up know what, maybe something with girls in it.  Katawa Soujo is on my PC, could finish that up...huh.  You know what, let's go on my phone and download something random.  Maybe I'll try out that Pony game.

Yes this one is long overdue, but due to me finally giving the game a shot, I can finally give my two cents on it.  It's been around for about half a year now with over 5 million downloads and people pouring in money (even though it's a F2P model game).  With rates like that, this must be fun on a bun right?  Well let's dive in and find out.

My Little Pony mobile game Hearts and Hooves theme splash screen


Well the first thing about any game ever is the plot.  What is the plot of this game?  Well, the elements are gone and Nightmare Moon returns and she's wrecking havok.  How you might ask?  Well she shrouds Ponyville in total darkness.  Yes, total darkness, in fact I'm going to show how menacingly dark the darkness is!

My Little Ponies Mobile

That kinda darkish corner at the edge of the screen...yeah that's the darkness. Scary!

I mean come on.  I know you can't shroud the entire screen black but come on, how am I supposed to find this threatening when Nightmare Moon seems to be failing at her whole darkness thing huh.  Also, apparently her darkness has taken everyone out of the town leaving only Spike and Twilight from the start...yeah...every character is gone just because of the darkness.

You know what really gets me?  Why is Nightmare Moon an antagonist?  Why not a character who actually isn't reformed like Chrysalis or hell even Sombra (would be far more appropriate).  I would have forgiven this if it was released a little before the reform, but it was released in November of 2012!  Luna had been pure for over a year by then.  That's like if they released Naruto app where Sasuke was still in Team 7.

Cutie Mark Chronicles intro MLP Game

Well at least they have you doing something other than taking letters

But anyways, back to the plot.  Twilight and Spike together must return the town to harmony.  Now, for an app game, the plot isn't too terrible.  It's simple and gets the job done well enough (except for the simple fact that Luna is no longer evil).  I also kind of appreciated how Spike actually had a role in the story and a important role.  This game has Twilight as kind of the overseer manager person while Spike is construction, so it gives some importance to the two most important characters in the show.

Features and Interface

Being an app, this is obviously touch screen and from what I played, it wasn't too bad.  But really, that's what you should expect.  Everything in the game is either earned through elements, stars, and gems.  And oh boy the gems.  You gain so little and have to pay so much.  There are options of getting free gems, but this requires going through menus of surveys, tax returns, and signing up for crap you don't want.  You know, if your child wants to get a chance at free gems, they got to sign free credit report stuff.  Yay, teaching kids how to do anything for free early on.

But really, are gems really that pressing in this game?  Well, lets go on a little economic trip and have a little look at the prices.  I haven't looked into it really well, but I believe a gem is a dollar a piece unless it went down since I played.  The average character cost around 90 gems.  That's nine dollars for a freakin virtual pony.  That's about as expensive as the average dlc for other games!  Who prices these things so damn high?

Oh yeah, that's right!  Gameloft. RollEyesFluttershyEmote.png  Boy if you thought I hated Hasbro's marketing practices, imagine how I feel about this money hungry company.  They are known for sucking out more money out of poor customers pockets then even EA.  And why?  Cause people will buy anything.  So what happens when a greedy app company partners up with a greedy toy company?  A match made in heaven!
Mobile game ad with Silver Spoon fanart

I think I know who the target audience for this promo was

I mean, when it could potentially take someone 10 years just to own everything in a game just due to prices, that says something  They occasionally do 50% off deals and every now and then will throw out some legit free things, but it's very varied.  Also, their lazyness shows even here as they are advertising as they use fanart...sometimes questionable.

You know what's really nice?  Notifications everytime something happens within the world!  I mean, you can turn the sound for notifications off, but imagine those who didn't know they would get notified every 3 seconds.  They're in class doing school work and all of a sudden the jingle goes off.  Over, and over, and over...then your teacher looks on your phone and see's what you're playing and then awkward silence.  And then even your peers know what you're playing and this will spawn a good reputation for your school life :).  Or if you work and your boss hears it and it's disturbing the work area and notices you playing.  Nice way to get a raise IMO.


Playing Ball Bounce minigame MLP Game

Us saving Equestria folks :P

So with the plot established and Ponyville in dire perile, what do the characters do?  Well first rebuilding the city...which is okay but what else.  Maybe going after the elements?  Traveling to stop NMM?  Trying to find civilians?  Nope...instead you'll be playing ball with Twilight.  PROGRESSION!

Also, for some odd reason, you have to buy back people in Ponyville.  I guess the "darkness" overwelmed the others so much that you have to bribe them to come back.  You make them work and they produce currency you need to purchase stuff and further beat the game and complete challenges that Spike and Twilight give you.  In order to speed up buildings you have to feed Spike gems or you can wait it out for about 10 minutes.  I'd say wait because those one gems are actually valuable and should be used for something else and two, Spike isn't even building.  He get's his imigrant workers to do it for him

Spike...why are you making ponies work for you?  You just complained not too long ago about Twilight's workload and now you got ponies working 24/7 on buildings while you eat their profit?!  Oooh noo!  Corporate corrupted you Sad.png

Also, playing the minigames for long enough, the characters you play with level up and go onto a flying mini game where you avoid Shadowbolts (you know just for LOLs) and gain currency.  You also have to pay for a better looking ball.  Yeah, these ponies are money grubbing horses (much like the people who made this).

So what this basically is is every generic social city builder ever made, but with a MLP paintjob.  And while amusing as it was sometimes, I just couldn't continue with it too long.  I mean, if the only fun I was really having was playing ball with Ms. Cake...

Yes, this is so much fun!  Me and Cake are playing catch without her husband.  My life is fulfilled!  My life is fulfilled!

MLP game Pinkie dance

No No I'm done! I said I'm done >:(

...then you got yourself a unfullfilling game.  One more thing should be noted though is you do have to find the other elements by buying the darkness and turning it into bright land (why couldn't Twilight just do this without money again) and at times you might find the element stones where you have to use the required amount to unlock the stone and bring back the character the element matches.  First one being...Pinkie.  Oh great, three strikes I'm out...I'm done!


This was honestly one of the most boring game I've ever played in my entire life.  And you might say "oh it's just a good little timewaster".  No, a good little timewaster is something like Zenonia or Groove Coaster where the developers put actual effort into the game and are both free.  People should stop defending things just because it's pony, cause then they allow stuff like this to get popular.  This suffers the 3 sins of gaming.  It's boring as hell, it takes way to long to get things done sometime (it could take about a year to beat it), the prices for characters are almost as high as regular video game dlc, and overall it's just uninspired and another obvious cashin.

Then to add insult to injury, they give you an insulting ending....after people have spent countless hours/months and money to get the characters and beat the game, they are rewarded with this ending

What...what was the point of padding the game out and giving it a story if all you were going to do is give a big FU of an ending!  To taunt the players by stating that they got your money and time! Fire_fire_by_erockertorres-d4i7hfm.png

Gameloft characters Time Turner, Bon Bon, Lyra

Well one thing they can say is they have a catelog of characters to choose from...which I won't get

Now, this isn't the worst game ever.  It can appeal to some people, namely those who want to play with there favorite characters.  And there's alot of them...practically every character is unlockable through buying or waiting til you actually have enough.  It also has a solid social structure and is basically a Sim City Social like game so if that's your cup of tea, then go right ahead.  Otherwise, this is a very dull and soulless game.  Even with all the gems they offer, none of them are worth your time or effort when there are so much better things out there on app.  This is trash, that only appeals to a selective group.  I cannot for the life of me understand why some people force themselves to play this or if they aren't forcing themselves buying characters (9 FLIPPING DOLLARS!)  Stop supporting bad corporate practices just for the sake of ponies!  Stop it!

2 hours in

Wha..what the hell am I doing?  I have better games sitting on my laptop.  Why am I wasting my time with this!?  No, this is unnacceptable.  Delete...yes please do.  Okay, now onto better things.  I wonder how long Emi's story arc is in Katawa?