FANDOM


Here's another spoof story for all to read. I must admit, this one is my most ambitouis yet in terms of tone and content. it's based off Negan's intro in The Walking Dead. I set a great deal toning it down for the site's policies as well as hesitations of putting it up.

I chose to use the G1 character Catrina, because the scenario is suppose to feel like a "Furries vs. Bronies" moment. Both are fractions I'm apart of. Also, it's because I wanted to think of a character that could revamped into a toned-down, female, revamped version of Negan. I think I did my best to make everything work, so....here it is.


(After encountering bipedal, talking animals, the Mane 6 are caught in between their hostile crosshairs. They stop ponies on their way and demand half of what they have for Catrina or they die. After Rainbow Dash, Starlight Glimmer, and Pinkie Pie ambush a camp when these creatures attacked several passing ponies, vengeance is about to take place. The three don’t return, so Applejack and Big Mac travel a road to find them with the CMC following them in secret. Big Mac comes back beaten and severely wounded. He tells Twilight that the creatures have his sisters and the others. Twilight decides to go get her friends back with Rarity, Spike, Fluttershy, and Trixie in toe.)

(They're briefly stopped by a talking wolf.)

Wolf

Going somewhere?

Twilight

we're looking for our friends. You haven't seen them?

Wolf

Maybe. But first I'm going to need you to hand over things. Not for me of course, for Catrina.

Spike

Who?

Wolf

Your new boss. I'm not asking again. Hand it over.

Twilight

I don't think so.

Wolf

Aren't you supposed to be the "Friendship Princess" and reach compromises and all that?

Twilight

Did you see our friends or not?

Wolf

What if today was your last day on earth? How would you spend it? Look very closely at your little friends. Treat them nicely. Just as if it were their last day. You get along now to where you’re going. (He departs)

Trixie

Good riddance.

Twilight

I don't think we've the last of him. Let's keep moving.

(During the trip, the roads get blocked and they run into more animals like Wolf. At night fall, they see a bonfire. Rustling branches from behind the group alert Twilight of the trap.)

Trixie

We’re surrounded.

Wolf

Welcome. You made it to where you’re going.

Twilight

Look, we can talk about this.

Wolf

The time to talk is over. Now it’s time to listen. Let’s you all lined up, shall we? Bring out the rest.

(CMC in a strung-up cage, captives which also include Shining Armor and Sunburst are forced out of a closed carriage.)

Wolf

If you’re wondering, these two tried to stop us too. They don’t quite understand either. Now, on your knees. (Turns to the fillies) Get one of the little ones out too.

Fluttershy

No!

Wolf

Shut up! Everyone on your knees.

(Sunburst, Shining Armor, Rainbow, Applejack, Starlight, Pinkie, Spike, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Apple Bloom, Trixie in that line are on their knees.)

Wolf

Alright. Let’s meet the lady. (He knocks on another carriage door. A feline-like creature emerges in a leather jacket and a barbed baseball bat emerges.)

Catrina

Anyone ready to pee yet? By the way, if your wonder why you haven't flown or teleported or whatever, it the runes on those trees. No pony magic inside the circle. So, who’s the leader? (Wolf points to Twilight and she walks over to the pony)

Hi. You’re Twilight? I’m Catrina. And I do not appreciate you attacking my people. And then when I sent people to go after your people for attacking my people. Three of you attack more of my people which led to one of them dying. Not cool. (Turns to Rainbow Dash) You have no idea how not cool that is. But I think you’re going to be up to speed real soon. Yeah, you mules are so going to regret crossing me in a few minutes.

You see princess, one thing you should never do is mess with the golden rule, and it’s very simple even if you’re stupid, which some of you may very well be, you can understand it. Here’s comes, pay attention. Give me your stuff, or I will kill you.

Today was career day, we invested a lot for you to see what we are capable of, what we can do. You little beasts work for me now. You have goods, you give it me. Not your Celestia, Luna or some crystal princess. Me. Now I know that is a big nasty pill to swallow but swallow it you most certainly shall.

You rolled the roost. You thought you were safe and strong, but the word is out. You are not safe, especially if you don’t give me what I want and what I want is half of your village’s things and if that is too much, you can make, buy, or steal more and it will even out sooner or later. The more you fight back the harder it will be. We come up the door, you let us in or will knock it down.

What? No answer? You didn’t think you were going to walk away from this without getting punished now did you? Well, I don’t know what changeling, centaur, or power hungry unicorns you’ve come across, but I am a leader of my word.

Let me make it clear, I don’t want to kill anyone. I want you to work for me and you can’t do that if your dead. But you caused the death of one of my men. Just one is way more than I am comfortable with letting slide, for that you got to pay. So now, I am going to beat the living hay out of one of you. And we’ll be even on that.

This has all been put together just we could see which one of you gets the honor. (Swings the bat) This is Zeus. And he is awesome. So, who’s it going to be. Oh don’t worry, I won’t force you to pick each other. That’s my job because everyone’s at the buffet line waiting for me to order.

(To Shining Armor who looks up defiantly) Offering yourself? Guess you have thing for boys. (Walks away) Zeus doesn't mind. He swings both ways.

(To Trixie, who is sobbing) Well, looks like someone entered pee-pee city. Why are you around the elite? Aren’t you supposed a petty magician with no friends? You’re definitely in the wrong place.

(To Apple Bloom) Oh sweetie, won’t you cry a little? You and your little friends followed the group of three—well four if you count the red plushie. How is he, by the way? Hope they damage him to much. He’s such a stud. (Applejack’s teeth begin to grind)

Hmm. Apple flank. Same as her. I get it now. She's your sister. This just too good.

Applejack

Just stop this.

Catrina

Hey. Don’t make it easy for me. I have no qualms killing the mini-you.

(To Spike) Wow. A dragon among ponies. Are you some kind of adopted baby, or did they actually tame you into a slave? They ruined you. Maybe I should put you off your misery.

Starlight

No. (She charges but is pinned down by Wolf) Don’t.

Wolf

Want me to take care this one?

Catrina

Nah. get her back in line. Now don’t any of you try that again. I will shut down attitude down. No exceptions. First one is free. I get it. It’s an emotional moment. But I’m gonna have to pick somebody.

Twilight

Please.

Catrina

What? Did I hear things or are you trying to speak?

Twilight

We get it. You don’t have to do this.

Catrina

Oh no, I think I do. See you’re used to having your way. You’re royalty after all. But you’re also a leader, and leaders have to make tough decisions, but they also need to demonstrate their power. See that purple one? A birdie told me she tried to hurt you at one point and you let her live. I don’t know about you, but if she tried to do that to me, I would’ve stomped her into the ground and feed her to my pigs. Anything that dangerous, that unpredictable, is better off dead.

(She paces up and down the line.)

Honestly, I cannot decide. You’re all so unique. Oh, I know we can fix this.

Eenie

Menie

Minne

Moe

Catch

A Tiger

By

It’s Toe

If

He hollers

Let

Him go

My Mother

Told Me

To Pick

The very

Best

One

And

You

Are

It

Alright, if anyone moves or tries anything, cut their tail off and to the person on their right and stuff it in their mouth. Now; you can breathe, you can scream, you can blink, you can cry—well, you’re all going to be doing that.

BASH

THE END?