Guys, I just realised how similar cats are to just about every drunk who appears on TV or in a movie. Seriously, I literally just spent an hour writing a list of similarities in terms of behavior. Here are a few of the highlights.

  • They come in two primary flavours: perpetually-foul-tempered and potentially murderous, or in a permanent state of extreme satisfaction
  • The mean ones tend to be physically and/or emotionally abusive
  • Earning the ire of the nicer ones is a painful way to die
  • When in large groups, they either get in a massive fight or start a massive party. It remains undetermined as to which of these two outcomes is more destructive
  • Attempts to use force to separate them from something tend to fend painfully
  • Attempts to use deception to leave or hand over their possessions tend to be very successful, due to how gullible they tend to be
  • A combination of little (if any) self-control, extreme whimsy, short attention span, lack of judgement, and impulsive minds, result in fairly unpredictable behavior, although, fortunately, the resulting actions are normally far from subtle
  • When they aren't causing various mischief, you often have difficulty telling whether they're dead or merely sleeping
  • Frequently found lying in the streets, especially during economic hardships
  • They tend to end up in situations in which defy all logic, with said situations, such as their attempts to cross the Interstate during rush hour, having a high fatality rate
  • When they are confronted about loud and/or unpleasant behavior, they either end up running like hell or getting in a fight

So, guys, do you have any suggestions for me to add to my little notepad? I've already got about 11 Post-Its full, and I'm wracking my brain in an attempt to come up with more.