A new story, as old as they come. Cain and Abel.

So, inspired by East oF Eden and The Kite Runner, I decided I would write a Cain and Abel story (albeit not exactly with siblicide).

The story is that Celestia is held by a high expectation by her father, being the heir of Equestria, while Luna lives up to her father's expectations, perhaps bit beyond!

Celestia's father goes insane and becomes Discord (there would of course have been buildup), becomes Discord and is defeated by Celestia and Luna....And Celestia realizes she could have died fighting were it not for Luna.

Now that the sisters are ruling, Celestia is adored and Luna is neglected. There is an incident with Sombra, and again Luna many defeats him, which makes Celestia feel week again.

Why is this whole jealously in Celestia important? As we all know, Luan became Nightmare Moon because she believed nopony appreciated her night. So why didn't Celestia comfort her or allow her to let the moon remain for just a day, or even a few hours. So I decided I would make Celestia a pony once alone and fears loneliness again, and sees Luna as perfect and is reluctant to help her. I want to explore Celestia's personality, make her flawed, why did she not stop Nightmare Moon before it started? I refuse to believe of was obliviousness.

I was also inspired by Ponyphonic's songs. If you've heard "Lullaby for a Princess, you may have heard the line, and neither did she love her as she deserved, she watched as her sisters unhappiness grew. But such is the way of the limelight; it sweetly takes hold of the mind of its host. I want to go in depth with this story. Why I'd Celestia stand and watch? So in a sense, this really follows Celestia, but I still do want to focus on Luna, her struggle to be noticed and appreciated.

Anyways, here's the very beginning—what I've written so far:


Daytime, how Celestia loved it dearly. She love how the sunlight touched her skin and combed through her pink mane while she rested on a green bed of grass. The light of day could be soft music lulling her into peaceful slumber, or sometimes it could be intoxicating energy seeping trough her skin, urging her to run and laugh. To live. She adored the day, often finding herself resting on a peaceful hill at early dawn— it didn't matter which, so long as its view displayed the golden line of the horizon bridging sky and earth—and eagerly awaiting the morning sun.

But not this day.

She felt more fear than excitement as the sun peaked over the eastern horizon, approaching like a terrifying monster from below the earth. A frightened shiver traveled down her body as the first orange rays violated her white skin. She nearly retreated from the hilltop, but she stood her ground and embraced the cold rays.

Its intimidating grin brought back the chilling words of her father from the previous day; that she would someday be responsible for raising and lowering the sun and bringing forth the day.

The young princess could almost see the monstrous celestial body lick its lips, engrossed in the sadistically pleasurable thoughts of crushing her, or wrapping her in infernal arms and setting fire to her. Never before had Celestia thought the sun as so frightening.

"It's so pretty..."

Celestia's ears shot up at the sudden presence of a second voice. It was sweet and innocent, bright like the fireflies in the summer nights.

"Are you doing doing that, sister?" Asked the firefly voice.

Behind Celestia was a young alicorn with a coat blue as midnight. Her ocean blue bangs partly covered the cobalt eyes staring hypnotically at the rising sun.

Celestia couldn't help but giggle at the appearance of her sister's trance. "No, Luna. I'm not."

"Oh..." For a moment Luna broke away from the sun, now starring mesmerizingly at her sister, "So, will your's be even prettier?"

"Maybe," laughed Celestia sweetly. "As beautiful as a sunrise can be."

Again, the sun hypnotized Luna, this time with the morning ten years beyond her. A sunrise with shades of violet, rose, orange, and other magnificent colors danced around the sun in her imagination as she saw her sister, far older and stronger, summon the fiery orb from beneath the waves and carry it into the vast blue sky.

"Wow...." She couldn't help but whisper.


So I want to know, is this a good concept? Is the writing style good? What do ya'll think?